the world of all things mel

long live joepa

2012-01-22T21:13:00.002-05:00

it's difficult to believe that joe paterno is no longer with us. i say, "with us," as if i knew him personally or something. i didn't. but any penn stater or penn state fan who has known of and loved this man also likely feels the sense of oneness with penn state's greatest hero as i do.

joe was 85 years old, and lost a battle with a recently discovered case of lung cancer. i don't know more details, nor do i want to. i feel terrible that he was ill and that his illness has conquered him so quickly, though, i presume it's better than a drawn out battle where he would have suffered even longer. my heart and thoughts are with the paterno family this evening, and a virtual hug goes out to every penn stater who is grieving this loss as much as i am.

of course, it's difficult to discuss joe paterno these days without conjuring up thoughts about the madness surrounding the "sandusky case," and how it led to the premature ending to an icon's coaching career.

the interesting thing about the shit show that ensued regarding sandusky's accusations and the whole media-coined "penn state scandal" is that none of it really matters to those who love and respect this man. sure, the pious and the cynics envision a fallen hero when joepa's name is spoken. but, to the rest of us, the legacy of joe paterno is impervious to the caustic garbage spewed by the haters and a corrupt media industry. joe WAS a good man. he WAS penn state football. he WAS charitable and gracious. he WAS stand-up guy. he IS a legend, and one worthy of the title.

your awesomeness will endure the idiocy, both in my heart and mind, and in those of all who have been touched by you.

rest in peace, joe paterno. image borrowed from mikesneed.wordpress.com

dr. mel

2011-12-31T21:55:00.009-05:00

my loyal readers will surely be relieved to know that i will never again post about the agony of trying to finish my thesis, because i finished it in november, and graduated in mid-december!!!! YIPPEE!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!

december 17th was the big day, and one of the best parts was that my gal pal, meredith, and i graduated together! here is a pic of us prior to the ceremony...
three doctors :)

here is a pic of my thesis adviser, dr. boehman, with myself and a fellow doctoral graduate, peng ye, after the ceremony!
and a few family pics as well :-)

managing productivity, or lack there of

2011-12-21T12:50:00.001-05:00

time management. historically, time management is something that i'd been extremely good at! during my grad school days, i could take classes, do research, teach science to kids, work on the challenge x project, hang out with friends, watch my nephew, cook, clean my house, and never sacrifice sleep (unless i was out drinking too much party liquor). balancing all of that well requires a solid comprehension of ones strengths and weaknesses, as well as a system of prioritization and subsequent execution. i used to kick ass.

i had to re-learn time management when i became a working mom. it wasn't easy, but with time (and with an aging peanut) i managed to re-optimize, and am able to do a lot more than i could 6 months ago.

the major time maangement challenge that i have these days is at work. a big part of this is because the main projects i worked on all year are finished (in terms of my contribution to them), it's almost christmas break, and due to my going "career-lite" next year, my responsibilities will be a bit different compared to this past year. all of this is occurring on the heals of an illness and finishing my phd, two things that sucked the life and energy out of me for a while.

today is my second to last day of work for 2011. i have only one project (compiling/analyzing some data) to finish up, in terms of completing my 2011 deliverables, and i can't seem to make myself do it. i have invested some time working on one project for 2012, however. this is typical of me - my main mode of procrastination is to work on something that is a lower priority than the thing that is highest proiority - this typically happens when i am bored with something, or when i am working on an issue with the high priority (i.e. not really in a position to make great progress). the data that i am working with, for this final, 2011 deliverable is something that just bores me. i became disconnected when i was ill in october/november, and

while i managed to make a small amount of progress on the data yesterday, i have spent some time thinking about why i suck at life when i don't have enough to do. it's counterintuitive, is it not? how can one do a thousand things without issue, but become incapacitated when there is only one goal in front of them?

why? well - i pondered this a lot yesterday. i gave a lot of consideration to the new flavor of my work for the coming year, and how i can foster efficiency and productivity even though i won't have an official role in product development. and this is what i discerned:

i suck at doing only one thing, because i need to have constraints. i need to juggle. i like the sense of urgency. and none of this means that i am only reactive and never proactive - i am an excellent planner, and i rarely wait until the last minute to start a project/task. but i need to have enough going on to simulate the feeling of urgency. i need to know that my time is limited, and that sense (of knowing that time is limited) is what inspires me to work, focused and efficiently.

in a normal working scenario, where i have multiple deliverables, i create self-imposed deadlines and deliverables for myself (planning) - this helps me to stay on task. it works wonderfully. looking forward to next year, i will have to start the year by breaking down my deliverables into tiny chunks so that i have weekly deliverables (to myself), in order to stay on task (given that some of my projects will be broad, and may have a 12 month duration). and i am really looking forward to it!

i felt the need to blog about this because i feel totally worthless about being such a slacker these last few days at work. this thought experiment has been productive for me, even though it didn't exactly help me to finish my data analysis!

i get to dress like a wizard!!!

2011-12-07T10:50:00.004-05:00

prelude to wizardry
i defended my thesis october 17th. after some edits, refinement, and 4 pages of what graduate students abhorrently refer to as "re-writes," i submitted my thesis (november 19th)! it was the first time i truly felt relieved!!!

a slight damper is that i received an email informing me about a few formatting errors (references section not in the table of contents, for example). i made the changes (with a bit of assistance), and then submitted again on december 1st.

in the meantime, my adviser agreed to collect signatures from the committee on my behalf. i sent a pile of required documentation to my gal pal meredith, who graciously printed it and trekked about campus, despite being ill, to deliver it to the thesis office (a huge help, given that i live nearly 500 miles away)!!

graduation
the graduation ceremony for MS and PhD students is december 17th. i'm totes excited to dress like a wizard(!!!), and even more excited that meredith and i get to walk TOGETHER!! this crazy garb costs about $600, but thanks to a bit of research by my dearest, meredith, i was able to rent the wizard-wear for a bargain price of $65. check these things out... i snagged this pic via a google search - no idea who these people are, but they appear to be gleefully impressed by those fancy threads!
stay tuned for pics of dr. mel, the wizard-looking one...

holiday shopping considerations

2011-11-13T09:59:00.007-05:00

before sharing a post from a forum i am on, i want to state my perspective, just for the record. i believe in competition. i believe in a globalized society where we trade goods across the ocean. i also believe in supporting the local economy (this is why i buy a quarter beef from a michigan farmer each year, and buy appliances from the ma and pop shop instead of best buy, and buy toys made by the hands of americans off of etsy, etc.). but i think there is room for both ideals in our modern society.

with all of that said, i do feel suffocated by "crap" at times - we all collect so much STUFF. we buy STUFF like crazy. michael has more toys at the age of ONE than i had during my entire childhood, and i have literally bought less than 1% of them - people just keep buying STUFF for him!!!

the thing i like most about what i am about to share is the idea of gifting our loved ones with services instead of STUFF. i'm not suggesting that i will never buy a toy car for michael that was made in china, nor am i suggesting that i will always gift my friends and family with certificates for spa days or hair cuts - i just think the post below provides some nice ideas for alternative options to typical gifting, and does so in the vein of supporting the businesses of our neighbors and local citizens.

this was posted to a parenting forum that i am a part of, by a woman named "erica." she titled her post "the birth of a new tradition." i am not if erica created this post or shared it on someone's behalf...

"As the holidays approach, the giant Asian factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods -- merchandise that has been produced at the expense of American labor. This year will be different. This year Americans will give the gift of genuine concern for other Americans. There is no longer an excuse that, at gift giving time, nothing can be found that is produced by American hands. Yes there is!

It's time to think outside the box, people. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box, wrapped in Chinese produced wrapping paper?
Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local American hair salon or barber?

Gym membership? It's appropriate for all ages who are thinking about some health improvement.

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, American owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers who think nothing of plonking down the Benjamines on a Chinese made flat-screen? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or driveway plowed all winter, or games at the local golf course.

There are a bazillion owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. Remember, folks this isn't about big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town Americans with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the American working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day.

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre.

Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands.

Honestly, people, do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand Chinese lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. If you have those kinds of bucks to burn, leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

You see, Christmas is no longer about draining American pockets so that China can build another glittering city. Christmas is now about caring about US, encouraging American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about other Americans, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine. THIS is the new American Christmas tradition.

Forward this to everyone on your mailing list -- post it to discussion groups -- throw up a post on Craigslist in the Rants and Raves section in your city -- send it to the editor of your local paper and radio stations, and TV news departments. This is a revolution of caring about each other, and isn't that what Christmas is about?"

if you like the tone of this message, feel free to share the link to this blog on your facebook page, blog, google +, etc... http://theworldofallthingsmel.blogspot.com/2011/11/holiday-shopping-considerations.html

family vacation

2011-07-12T16:09:00.006-04:00

kevin, peanut, paris and i embarked on our journey to mayfield, new york at 5pm on july 1st. my in-laws live on the great sacandaga lake, and we were anxious to get out of here to enjoy a family vacation!

michael was an EXCELLENT traveler! he enjoyed being upright in his "new" car seat, and babbled to himself, and laughed at the dog, for the first hour of the trip. he was also a happy passenger after dinner. with the exception of a little crying before he fell asleep, he was super easy-going! he slept in 2+ hour intervals. we incurred no drama at the border crossings, and arrived at our destination just before 4am.

marilyn (mother-in-law) invited the corrigan clan, along with my family, to the lake for a welcome party (and fourth of july celebration, on july 3rd) for michael peanut, and ME (you know, the new daughter-in-law and all :). my parents came, and so did my sister, angela, her hubby, and their three boys. the festivities were grand, and lots of fun was had on the boat, playing in the cove, and fishing from the dock!! michael also enjoyed many a splash in his tiny, blow-up pool from gramma C! my family stayed until tuesday (the 5th). a big thanks to marilyn and dennis for harboring my sister's brood, and also to uncle tom for lending his cabin to my parents!!

once my family left, kevin and i enjoyed some more lazy time with family. we also spent time with some of kevin's friends (and their offspring). i worked on my thesis a bit, but not as much as i should have, due both to spending time with family/friends, and a stupid head cold that put me a less-than-scholarly frame of mind.

peanut met his cousins, molly & grady, for the first time! it was really sweet to observe their interactions. he especially loved molly, and greeted her with huge smiles, and nearly tackled her with hugs!!

we spent a lot of time hanging out at the lake. kevin took peanut and i to lanzi's for lunch one day, via boat! peanut enjoyed our lake-side table, and had plenty of things to look at while he munched on his lunch!

the trip home was also pretty easy, as far as michael was concerned. we left at 3:45am, and michael slept until 6:30 or so. we stopped for a stretch, bathroom and coffee, and peanut enjoyed pretending to drive a little :) we also let him get a bit of fresh air during that stop, and i absolutely LOVE this photo that i snapped of him perched upon the tonneau cover - i LOVE his expressions - he's my silly little man :) we made it home around 3pm or so.

thanks, dennis and marilyn, for a lovely stay at the lake! wish we could have hung out longer!!!it's good to be home, even though i am still suffering from a ridiculous head cold. finally went to the doc today - ears, nose and throat are a mess, and so i resigned to taking antibiotics. hopefully they'll rid me of this goo and fog that are keeping me down. here's to a happy and safe vacation to you and yours, and hoping that your souvenirs won't include respiratory bacteria :)

*a special thanks to cousin delaney for taking so many wonderful photos at the lake, several of which i borrowed for this blog!!!

typical acts of malice

2011-07-12T11:38:00.013-04:00

i recently read a blog by kai nagata, former journalist for quebec's city bureau. (i saw a re-tweet by pamela slim). i found his blog, "why i quit my job," to be refreshing, and filled with admirable conviction, laced with (presumed, on my part) brutal honesty about an industry (mainstream television news outlets) that he once respected, and can no longer thrive in/with.

this morning i discovered a tweet by sandra thomas, promoting her blog retort (in the vancouver courier), "why i didn't quit my job." i wasn't surprised to find her blog filled with bland yet abrasive remarks regarding kai's blog. she essentially sees him as being egotistical and idealistic; claiming to have dismissed his article once she noted his age (24 years old), but read on, ultimately, with no justification for her change of heart. i think it's odd that she wrote,

"It was after I got to the part about him being 24 years old that I tuned out, but later forced myself to finish all nine pages I printed off prior to writing this column."

why would one point out that they read an article prior to writing a column about it. should that not be implicit?

i have to counter, or at least bring to question, some of sandra's comments.

the first is her inclination to defend her role as a journalist, based on one journalist leaving his industry. why does she have to make this about her? and why did she feel inclined to pronounce her defense? is she simply piggy-backing on the viral nature of kai's blog, to gain followers or notoriety?

secondly, it's prosaic for one to squash the motivation/conviction/actions of another with their jaded delusion about why they are important or valid in their activity. simply put, sandra and kai are driven by different motives. kai demonstrated integrity in conveying his sentiment about leaving an enviable (in his industry) position. it seems that the environment he experienced at his job was oppressing, and left him feeling conflicted morally/ethically (that is my interpretation of his blog). he's young and hungry and seemingly wants to do something that he can feel is a real contribution to "good" or to "improving" something. is it really so outrageous to think that someone might have the unadulterated conviction to simply act on one's deeply-rooted feelings/beliefs? why must sandra minimize that? from my perspective, it is people like sandra who poison the minds of the motivated youth to accept the status quo: mediocrity (at best).

regarding kai's comment about his performance during his role as chief at quebec's city bureau,

"But I would say, humbly, that I didn’t just meet expectations – I excelled. In everything I was asked to do, I performed consistently at a level above my experience,"

sandra retorted,

"To that I say, good for you. And good on your parents for raising a son with such a healthy ego."

i have to interpret her comment as being snide. what is egotistical about acknowledging one's strength's? why is it such a problem, in our society, to NOT hate oneself, or to have confidence, or to own what one is good at?

she provided a "fewer than 3000" word retort of why she didn't quit her job,

"On a personal level I’m not 24, I have bills, responsibilities and a love of this community I can only afford to live in because of my paycheque. Speaking of community, I feel an even deeper sense of responsibility to readers who call, email and take the time to write letters, asking for help in everything from an injustice they’ve suffered to raising awareness about health issues, to fundraising for non-profits to proposed developments. I didn’t quit my job because every day I’m inspired by my co-workers who do the same and who work hard to tell the stories that make up this city, despite the fact we all work for corporate media.

I also didn’t quit my job because as a journalist I have an obligation to find and tell the truth no matter how much pressure there is, no matter how much people would rather read about Will and Kate, no matter the nasty letters to the editor and no matter what frustrations we face in a small newsroom with few resources.

Finally, I didn’t quit my job because as a journalist I refuse to give up, pack up my truck and drive away into the sunset."

here is my brief assessment of her "reasons" for working (which, for the record, no one asked her to defend):

1. i must presume that sandra is older than 24 - how much older? i have no idea, nor do i care. it's outright ignorance that compels one to dispel the beliefs/actions of another, simply based on their age (and in this case, presumably younger age).

2. she reduces her employment as a means to an end (needing to pay bills), and then offers that she is committed to her community and is inspired by her colleagues. i do not think that survival, and loyalty and camaraderie are mutually exclusive, but i think it fair to note which she broadcast first.

3. she portrays the image that she is a person of integrity, in that she is committed to reporting the truth regardless of political pressures to do otherwise. i hope she means this, and i can respect her if she does.

4. i can also appreciate, prima facie, her conviction to not give up - perhaps she feels as though she's fighting the good fight - a diamond in the rough or something. she extends that comment to say that she won't run off into the sunset, which again, minimizes kai's actions, as though leaving an industry equals taking a permanent vacation - as though being in that industry, fighting the currents of monetarily driven compromises and sell-outs is more heroic than standing for something. in fairness, since i don't know anything about sandra, i'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and offer that perhaps both sandra and kai are fighting the same fight, but have chosen different weapons/tactics. or, my more thoughtful assertion, perhaps sandra is simply comfortable in her post, can't imagine taking a risk such as the one kai did, and is chastising his actions out of cowardice and malice.

to sandra, i offer this ... perhaps the adversary you are willing to fight is one kai has deemed inept and simply, not worth fighting. i leave you with a quote from atlas shrugged; page 52, of dagny taggart:

"the adversary she found herself forced to fight was not worth matching or beating; it was not a superior ability which she would have found honor in challenging; it was ineptitude - a gray spread of cotton that seemed soft and shapeless, that could offer no resistance to anything or anybody, yet managed to be a barrier in her way. she stood, disarmed, before the riddle of what made this possible. she could find no answer."

and to "dagny taggart" - what makes this possible is people who believe that one has no choice. people who believe that accepting the status quo is expected or obligatory. it's the people like kai who offer to dissolve the thin spread of cotton, and all that sustains it.

guesss who's crawling!?!?

2011-06-20T19:53:00.002-04:00

as of saturday, june 18, michael peanut is a crawler!!!! i apologize that the video is sideways (i need to remember to turn my phone 90 degrees when capturing videos).

WARNING
be sure to turn the volume down; my exuberance is over-the-top and high-pitched enough to contend with "alvin and the chipmunks: the squeakquel."

the tiniest voice

2011-06-07T11:12:00.002-04:00

michael is 9 months old today. apparently he felt the need to celebrate his maturity in big boy fashion.

we co-sleep. for those of you not up to date with parenting jargon, this means that michael sleeps in bed with me and kevin. kevin tore down our bed frame a few months ago, in anticipation of the day michael could crawl, and our king-sized matress now resides on the floor, alone.

peanut isn't truly crawling just yet. he has been sitting up for months. he crawls backward, but often times unintentionally so while trying to move forward. and while he is beginning to stretch in the forward direction, he is still limited to moving backward.

around 3am, i heard a tiny voice saying "ah... ah.... ah." i awoke and looked next to me - no peanut. i looked near my legs - no peanut. by then my eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and i saw the tiniest guy sitting on the floor, next to the bed, looking up at me with his arms extended out, happily calling for attention "ah.... ah.... ah!" i was confused as to how he managed to get out of the bed, until i saw the pillow that typically blocks the edge of the bed dangling off, as though michael had crawled backward, pushing the pillow out of his way as he moved. it was really sweet actually... he was all soft and chubby and warm, wearing only a diaper. i scooped him up, gave him a huge hug, and then nursed him back to sleep. happy 9 months, little man!! now, to get the gate up in our room!

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one fine day

2011-04-25T15:56:00.001-04:00

the second weekend in april brought lovely weather. the temperature, that sunday, reached nearly 80 degrees, thanks to the sun shining proudly and fervently. kevin opted to trailer his '69 camaro from storage to its new home, at our house! so peanut and i tagged along.

michael enjoyed a long nap during the drive there. i perched him in his blanket-covered his car seat in the sunshine while kev loaded up the trailer (and also checked out the gt 500 that his friend recently purchased).

once the car chatter ceased, kevin fired up the V8 and drove it up onto the trailer; he strapped it down and then we wee off! we took the slow roads back, enjoying the sunshine and pampering the camaro. we stopped at the custard cup on woodward. the custard cup is my favorite ice cream/custard of all time! peanut enjoyed his first baby cone of vanilla custard... we sat on the edge of the car trailer, shaded by the formidable shadow of the camaro, and presented michael woth hos first sugary, frozen dairy treat! i am happy to report that he LOVED it!!!

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the cutest baby ever

2011-04-14T14:39:00.002-04:00

.... i'm just sayin! this is a pic of michael while waiting to fly to pennsylvania! he was an awesome traveler, and i just love this picture!!!!!

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junie b. jones

2011-03-29T11:23:00.003-04:00

i am hesitant to write a blog that criticizes these books, because i hate to draw attention to something that is not at all worthy of attention. HOWEVER, given my conviction about the matter, i will post this blog.

i helped my nephew, ethan, do his homework yesterday (i was in PA for a long weekend)! we took turns reading the pages of two chapters worth of a book by barbara park, part of the "junie b. jones" series.

before i tear this series to shreds, let me say:
1. i have read only 2 chapters of one book in this entire series
2. i know nothing about the general premise of the series
3. it is a very popular book series for children
4. the books are for 5-8 year-olds.

i could not contain my disgust while reading, and listening to my nephew read, the paragraphs in these two chapters!! the heroine in this book series is a little girl, who uses HORRIBLE grammar! i am not a linguist, so i don't know how to characterize this properly, but the author employs a strange usage of nouns. for example, instead of saying, "i was really excited," the character in the book is quoted as saying, "i had excitement in me." and this is habitual - it was not present in only one specific case.

while i am not always a grammar saint, nor a stickler to the extent that i think all slang should be avoided in children's books, i DO believe that the proper use of grammar should be prevalent. and this should be the case specifically in books geared for children in this age group (5-8), since they are learning the language and utilization of grammar.

perhaps i do not comprehend childhood development sufficiently, and perhaps reading a series of books with ridiculously poor grammar will have no impact on a budding young reader. perhaps i am completely disconnected from what a child of that age range would find entertaining. but i would not buy these books for my child, nor would i allow him to read them, nor would i purchase them for a library, or another child specifically. there are SOOOO many books - there MUST be better options!!!

when ethan and i were initially reading the book, i was thinking, "man, who made the mistake to buy this for the library?" i was convinced that some solemn, chinese man wrote the book while sitting at home at some remote place in china, using babelfish to translate his thoughts into english language. it was the only way i could conceive of someone generating such grammar! i cannot believe that they are so popular!!!

if only i'd had enough coins

2011-02-18T18:09:00.004-05:00

i had a late-afternoon hankering for something deliciously sweet, and couldn't help myself from peering into the vending machine on the way back to my desk. the selection is typically moderately OK at best; i usually end up with a snickers or something, and so my expectation was low. a brief glance turned into a staring match as my eyes fixed on a package of hostess zingers while it flirted back at me. my intense delight was nearly orgasmic! then, "rats," i thought, as i recalled having spent my last two dollar bills on a bagel and bottle of water. i swiftly drew my wallet from my bag, and felt overpowered with hope at the jingle of coins within. it was with great trepidation over the $1.05 price tag that i unzipped the wallet and dug in, searching in between plastic and folded receipts, presenting coins one at a time. i was up to 70 cents when, after removing one crumpled, old, cash register receipt, that i uncovered a treasure - several quarters (and other coins) communing in one spot!!! with overwhelming glee i proceeded to dump the coins from the wallet into my anxious palm! i hastily inserted 4 quarters and one nickel into the slot, listening impatiently for the coins to hit the collection pot, and then pressed "E3." in a matter of a few short minutes i had retrieved the snack from the machine, returned to my desk, and nearly inhaled all 3 glorious overly-processed chocolate snack cakes. and i would have repeated the entire process, if only i'd had enough coins.

my seahorse is pregnant

2011-02-08T14:12:00.002-05:00

my pet name for kevin is "squishy" (inspired by dory from "finding nemo"), and while shopping for maternity clothes at old navy last year, i bought a gag gift for him. it was a clear ice pack, shaped like a seahorse, with a pink seahorse graphic. my motivation for the purchase (while waiting in the checkout line) was that it felt all "squishy." so this thing basically lives in our freezer. i have tucked it in my lunch bag a few times, as it's smaller than the other relatively small ice packs that i have. in fact, i packed it this morning to keep my yogurt cold. when i sat down to lunch today, i opened my bag to find a bunch of gooey pink colored gel balls, as the little "squishy" had exploded.

i'm pretty sure that i had confirmed that it was non-toxic at the time of purchase, but as i sit here now, in a very long meeting, i am pretty sure my eye is disintegrating - could it be from toxic squishy goo balls?

in an effort to appease my obsessive imagination, i attempted to google this product to see if it's toxic. after several failed tries, i began to type "my seahorse ice pack broke, is it toxic?" but after i got the first two words out ("my seahorse"), google offered several search options, one of which is, "my seahorse is pregnant" and my other personal favorite, "my seahorse is floating." LOL!!! i almost laughed out of my nose in trying to hold it in!!! hilarious!

a new family event

2011-01-26T12:22:00.002-05:00

i LOVE grocery shopping! i've been a bit less enthusiastic about it now that i am confined to the local kroger, unless i wish to drive quite a ways. it's a big change from being 1/2 mile from trader joe's, 1 mile from holiday, 1 mile from the royal oak farmer's market, and 4 miles from WHOLE FOODS! i miss my access to excellent food. but with that said, i am learning to appreciate kroger for the good things, and to make trips to other places as needed.

kevin HATES grocery shopping :) since i enjoy it, i naturally do most of the grocery shopping. kevin has filled the gaps since our little man joined our family, but i'm back to being the grocery shopper. last night after dinner, i was compelled to hit up kroger (which is about a mile or so from my house) for a quick trip. to my great surprise, kevin said, "let's all go?" i was taken aback, but absolutely thrilled! so we bundled mikey up, hopped in the car, and headed to kroger!

we had quite an enjoyable time - kevin and i were joking and playing and the baby was entertained as he looked around at everything. while in the freezer section, kevin commented that we should make grocery shopping a regular family outing - the baby was happy, and we were having fun. i was REALLY surprised (and verbalized that). well, i WAS surprised, until he added, "and the bottle of wine i had with (for?) dinner didn't hurt." LOL!!!!! then it all made sense; kevin was tipsy and playful and since he didn't have to DO any of the shopping, it was going pretty good for him :)

in short, our hottest new family activity is for daddy to get tanked so that we can all play together at the grocery store! works for me :)

my new home

2011-01-03T17:56:00.003-05:00

many of you know that the urbanite in me grieved leaving royal oak for clarkston. it's now 2+ weeks in to my new residence; the house is in order, and the holidays have passed, so michael and i ventured out to downtown clarkston today for a few errands. i am surprised and happy to report warm encounters with friendly clarkston residents, and a general feeling of fitting in already!

clarkston is technically names "city of the villiage of clarkston." the downtown is the epitome of quaint... nestled next to a lake and nature trail, it harbors tiny stores, eateries and a tiny grocer. michael and i parked along washington street; i strapped on the baby bjorn, took michael out of his car seat and secured him within the carrier, and then off we went! our first stop was the rudy's market (the grocery store) to grab a few ingredients for the lunch i have planned tomorrow with a friend. within 2 minutes of being in the store, a woman behind the deli counter asked me if it was my first time in the store. we chatted a bit, and she described the location of the nearest post office. then i grabbed a few groceries and was greeted kindly by the check out clerk.

afterwards, we visited the "basket full of yarn," which is a knitting store, of course! once inside, carol, the storekeeper, greeted us and we talked for a while. another "customer" entered the store, and we got to talking about babies and our families, and i learned that she once lived in ligonier, a town that is maybe 20 miles or so southwest of my hometown in pennsylvania. both michael and i were bundled up for the sub-freezing weather, and so after a while i was pretty warm and decided it was time to leave. we got back into the car, and headed to the post office.

i ended up at the bulk mail pick up instead of the customer center for the post office. the gentleman at the bulk mail desk was helpful in tracking a package that i had sent to africa before thanksgiving. we got to chatting, and was quite the character. he said that "royal oak is a nice place. clarkston is even nicer." he just had this air about him that he'd been around forever, and that he really adored the place in which he lived and worked! after that i was too tired to visit the customer center to mail a package to my sister (i'll do it later this week, ang!!)... the baby had been sleeping the whole time, and it was a good half hour past when i thought he'd be hungry and screaming, so i didn't want to push my luck!!! so we got back into the car and headed home.

my new home is quite different than any of those previous. i drove for almost 10 miles last week on nothing but dirt roads! it's peaceful, there are no sidewalks, and everything is so beautiful here. all of that said, it feels like home, nontheless. thank you, clarkston, for welcoming me :)

do squirrels bowl?

2010-12-12T13:51:00.003-05:00

the house that kevin and i rent currently is nestled in a mature, residential neighborhood just north of royal oak's downtown. there are huge trees everywhere, which makes for a lot of shade in the summer, and a most gorgeous, colorful scene in the fall! all of those old trees, however, also pose a little problem. branches die, and drop dead wood everywhere... specifically on my roof!

everyone that i have met on our street is wonderful! everyone, that is, except for our neighbor immediately to the north. his antics always cause trouble or create drama. he's essentially a 12 year old in a middle-aged man's body. most recently, for example, he was arguing with a contractor who he had hired to do work in his yard. after a lot of shouting and idiotic tough guy threats (that i could hear inside of my house, with the windows closed), "neighbor," aka: a$$hole, calls the cops. he was trying to force the contractor to leave. (the contractor just wanted his tools and trailer, which were blocked with a$$hole's truck, which a$$hole wouldn't move). so the cops came, and as it turned out, a$$hole had a warrant out for his arrest, and was taken away in the cop car! in short, he sent himself to jail for the day!!!

more recently, my landlord scheduled a cutting crew to remove dead branches and some old, dying trees from our yard. the neighbor has a tree with old, imposing branches that extend well across my house, that incessantly drop limbs and fragments of wood on to the roof. it is lawful to cut branches from a neighbor's tree if they impose on one's property. my landlord courteously called the neighbor to inform them (a$$hole and his girlfriend) about the scheduled cutting. however, on the day that the crew showed up, a$$hole refused to move his truck, preventing the cutting crew from removing the large, dead branches hanging over my roof! hence, it sounds like a bunch of squirrels are bowling on my roof as i sit here blogging in my bed!!!! the wet snow that now blankets every tree within my sight has overwhelmed the old branches, and it's generously shedding itself, limb by limb.

at least the falling snow is beautiful :-)

gobble, gobble

2010-11-22T11:19:00.004-05:00

it was about this time last year when i acknowledged (to myself) and admitted (to kevin, and to my pottery gals) that i wanted to "do life" with kevin. "do life" meant marriage, kids, and all that mess :) it was a pretty HUGE deal for me, and kevin harassed me quite a bit, bragging that he "broke me" or some nonsense like that. and here i am now, just one year later; married (to kevin), and have had his baby, AND.... the kicker... we are buying a house.

woe. we are buying a house. WOW! that's HUGE! of course it was a pretty big deal to have to "share" information about all of my finances for the mortgage application, but what's more is that we are buying a house in the middle of nowhere (by my standards)! it's on a dirt road, there are no sidewalks, and even if there were, there is no place to walk TO! it's a 19th century farmhouse on a 1.5 acre lot with a small barn and a large garage. seriously. the good news - it's only about 6 miles from downtown clarkston, which is a quaint and adorable little downtown, and it's less than 3 miles from I-75. check out some pics...

in other news... little michael is almost 11 weeks old! 11 weeks doesn't sound like that long of a time, but combine the normal learning curve of parenthood along with the trials and tribulations associated with michael's health issues, and 11 weeks seems to be a lifetime of its own.

mikey was admitted to the hospital for jaundice at 10 days old... of course it's a reasonably benign thing, and he simply had to spend <48 hours beneath some blue lights to shake out the bilirubin, but it was traumatic for kevin and i to say the least. and though the bili level fell, it remained moderate for a few weeks, which made michael quite sleepy. the uber sleepiness combined with what the lactation consultant described as michael's "immature" mouth led to a lot of drama related to nursing for a few weeks. thanks to help from friends and my sister, we finally got back to good, and we finally felt that we had reached some equilibrium.

but then michael began to spit up, and then vomit, and then frequent vomiting evolved into full blown projectile vomiting, in large quantities, every time michael ate! so, at 5 weeks and a few days of age, our little guy was admitted yet again. the diagnosis was pyloric stenosis, which required a surgical procedure called a pyloromyotomy, to snip the muscle at the base of the stomach which had thickened to such an extend that the stomach could not empty into the small intestine. thankfully, it's a rather "simple" surgery, but it was major. he was under anesthesia, and that was the scariest part in my opinion. i hated the thought of his organs shutting down and functioning only with the help of machines, and the small possibility that he wouldn't come out of it. thankfully, the surgery went wonderfully and he was back in my arms only hours later!!

aside from some understandable fussiness for a week or two post surgery, michael was doing great - eating well, NOT vomiting, and gaining weight like a little champ!! he has plumped up considerably since his newborn days. i finally uploaded the portraits from his newborn photo shoot (at 3 weeks old).

Orris photography

and you can see more recent pics in this album.

needless to say, i have a hell of a lot to be thankful for this year, and am super excited to spend thanksgiving with my two favorite guys!!!! it will be the last celebrated occasion here in royal oak, as we'll be moving into the new house before christmas, and i'm really looking forward to it!

happy thanksgiving, everyone!!

roll over

2010-11-03T19:39:00.001-04:00

michael rolled over the first time yesterday! it was so cute! i got it on video the second time. and then the third time he did it so quickly!!! such a big guy already! :-)

a benediction

2010-11-01T19:34:00.002-04:00

those of you who know me know that "god" isn't really my thing. however, i read this on michael hyatt's blog, and i really subscribe to the message...

"May God bless you with discomfort
At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships,
So that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger
At injustice, oppression and exploitation of people,
So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace.
May God bless you with tears
To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war,
So that you may reach out your hand to comfort them
And turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness
To believe that you can make a difference in the world,
So that you can do what others claim cannot be done
To bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen”

my inner singer...

2010-10-29T18:37:00.002-04:00

... has become an exhibitionist.

i am not one of those people who think i sound like a rock star while singing in my car... while i love rocking out to my favorite songs while commuting, or even while at home alone, i recognize with great clarity how awful i sound. in fact, it sometimes pains me to hear myself! i'm a terrible singer. horrible, actually. i have often spouted the notion that if one were to threaten my life contingent upon my singing, that singing would simply encourage them to kill me anyway, and hence death would be the only outcome. that may be slightly melodramatic... ok, completely melodramatic, but it paints the picture of how horrendous a singer i am!

but, i recently became a mother. and guess what sense babies utilize fully? hearing. they like sound, particularly those melodic in nature. i've read recommendations to sing-song everything to a baby, even if you're simply saying, "it's ok, don't cry, let's get you a clean diaper." and hence, i sing to my baby. i sing a lot. all day long actually. (disclaimer: i apologize, in advance, to my dear son for whatever trauma this ultimately invokes for him).

not only have i discovered a seemingly infinite capacity to sing, but i let other people hear me doing it! you may not be able to appreciate how big of a deal this is for me. perhaps i should equate this to how i presume most people would feel about shitting themselves in their chair at work.

needless to say, this blatant singing of mine was quite awkward at first. i was embarrassed that kevin would hear me singing to michael. but i got over that - 3am nursing sessions with a screaming baby absolve one of nearly all inhibitions - you do what you gotta do to get the baby fed, and attempt to get back to sleep! once i was past that, my frisky, horrible hobby began leaking out everywhere. i sang at the pediatrician's office, while walking with mikey at the park, i sang to him during both hospitalizations in front of anyone and everyone who happened to be near us. it's incredible, really! not only that people survived such a display, but that something which would previously have driven me to tears of embarrassment i can now do anywhere in front of anyone, and do so without batting even one sleepy eyelash. i even sing along now to songs on pandora or in the car, even in the presence of kevin. INSANE, right?!?!?! i know!

perhaps the best part of this all is that i have discovered a perfectly ridiculous talent. not only do i sing, i craft! i have become a crafty maker-upper of songs. i create songs on the fly for every incident, for every activity, for every cry... i even have several dedicated songs, such as one for michael's austrian "singing bear," for burpies, for poopie... it's so fun!!! this morning i sang about cleaning michael's finger nails; i sing about things as menial as brushing my teeth as he hangs out on the bathroom floor nestled in the boppy.

suffice it to say that while michael-peanut-butter-pumpkin-head-corrigan is seemingly entertained by my new confidence in singing a tune and ability to sing about ANYTHING, i have no interest in taking my show on the road... at least not yet...

check out some pics of my little man.

i abhor crumbs

2010-10-08T20:01:00.007-04:00

ok, so i don't technically have anything against crumbs simply existing. i don't mind cleaning up crumbs, nor do i carry much disregard for cautiously cupping my hand full of crumbs with the other in an attempt to contain all crumbs and dispose of them in the sink or the trash. even a little crumb action on the kitchen floor can be overlooked, after all, i have a dog, and she's willing to ingest ANYTHING remotely edible! by her standards there are no crumbs too small (much to the dismay of dr. seuss no doubt, who presume some crumbs to be "much too small for the other who's mouses").

fundamentally, my hatred resides with how crumbs are manipulated, by HUMANS! one human in particular, namely kevin corrigan. and a small disclaimer before i go further... i have nothing against his loose standards regarding crumbs, personally, my frustration has arisen because his crumby crumb management happens to affect ME. case in point, the cool whip.

he insists on dipping cookies into cool whip, while the cool whip is STILL IN THE CONTAINER! seriously? he doesn't even bother to remove the evidence of having done so, as the fluffy white mess is laced with brown crumbs. EWE!!! i don't want goddamn cookie crumbs in my cool whip - if i did, i'd break up a cookie and put it on there! furthermore, those silly little crumbs will facilitate mold growth well before the cool whip itself. EWE. i've suggested that we buy two tubs of cool whip at a time - i'll label each one with our respective names. that way he can indulge in illicit crumb placement without inhibiting my enjoyment of crumb-free cool whip!

and while on the topic of contaminating perfectly innocent and otherwise delicious substances with unwanted, toxic crumbs, let's consider the butter. is it so wrong to enjoy pure, un-crumby butter? why.... WHY OH WHY do people spread butter on toast, only to subsequently introduce the crumb-laden butter speckled knife back into the fresh butter? WHY? it totally reminds me of chem lab... you are NEVER to contaminate the chemical - always use a clean device to remove the quantity of chemical required for one's experiment, period!! is it really so difficult to simply utilize the crust of the bread to remove all residual crumby butter BEFORE acquiring more butter? again, EWE! who wants to remove the cover from a butter dish only to witness nastily speckled butter? the solution here? kevin should have to eat the cold butter from the fridge, or perhaps i will make him his own, personal, crumb worthy butter dish.

welcoming my peanut into the world :)

2010-09-11T09:51:00.003-04:00

michael patrick corrigan was born at 10:00pm on tuesday, september 7th!!! he was 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and measured 20.5 inches long!!

given that peanut's official due date was september 20th, he came a little earlier than expected. i had tested positive for group beta strep (a normal bacteria that hangs out in the intestines) during my 35th week of pregnancy. since babies can potentially be exposed to this upon exit, and sometimes ends up extremely ill due to it, treatment of antiobiotics is required during labor.

i ended up going to the birthing center tuesday morning to be checked for a potential leak of amniotic fluid. as it turned out, i was leaking fluid - and since i was GBS+, the clock started to tick. i needed to start labor immediately, and of course get some antiobiotics.

typically they give pitocin to start labor, but i didn't want any drugs, particularly pitocin as the baby can become distressed from it, and it can often facilitate the need for a c-section. i advocated for castor oil instead, and to make a long story short, my labor did start!! the midwife broke my bag to remove the remaining water (also to facilitate labor). i started the castor oil at 1:30pm, and less than 9 hours later i got to meet my son!!! the rest of my birth was completely natural, and i had a wonderful and amazing experience!!!

kevin was an excellent birth coach - all of our classes and practice really paid off! the nurse midwives at the birthing center were really spectacular! they left kevin and i to our own devices until labor became active, and i required more support!

i labored, delivered and recovered all in the same room! by the time i made it into the relaxation tub (which i had anticipated spending a lot of time in), i was ready to push, and sitting on the hard bottom of the tub was simply uncomfortable! i spent most of my time laboring on a birthing ball, chair, toilet, and ended up pushing on a birthing stool (which allows one to assume the squatting position, but provides support to conserve energy), and finished on the bed laying on my side. the baby was already beneath the pubic bone by the time i moved to the bed to push... i used the birthing stool early on to allow gravity to help with the pushing!

we've been home now since wednesday evening, and everyone is doing great! my mom made it to the hospital in time to witness the delivery, and she spent the next 36 hours or so with us. now it's just kevin and i getting the swing of parenting, and we're both really enjoying it! kevin is phenomenal - he's taking care of EVERYTHING, while i spend my time in bed resting and feeding with peanut. i have yet to change a diaper, and kevin is also the master at dressing the baby (though, peanut spends most hours in a diaper, laying against me or kevin, with a blanket covering his other side).

check out more PICTURES!!

tales of stitches

2010-08-24T08:40:00.011-04:00

i received my third set of stitches last evening, and hence feel compelled to recount the details of these incidents as i recall them...

incident 1: metal fenders
the first slice i received was along the lowest joint of my right forefinger, after school on my very first day of kindergarten, while "cleaning" my strawberry shortcake bike fender. i believe it was a spit and shine technique, for the record :) angela was sitting on the ground next to me. i remember seeing blood running down my hand (can't recall whether i felt it or not). i ran into the house, and remember my mother running my finger under the faucet, and screaming to my father, "her finger is falling off." little fingers don't have much flesh and it must have looked horrific!! i harbor only 2 general memories from that hospital experience:

1. i saw a fluid bubble at my finger while they injected the novocaine (and i recall a room with bright lights, and several people standing around with my mother next to me or behind me)

2. i ended up with 3 stitches, a sticker, and a banana popsicle

my grandmother removed the stitches late one evening after work - i believe she started while i was sleeping, and the last one woke me up (one of the three were very tight, so that one must have smarted a bit)!!

incident 2: clay dino
i think it was the summer before 7th grade... penny (fulcomer) zimmerman's birthday is in september, but she wanted to have a swimming birthday celebration, i think, and so had her birthday in the late summer??? anyway, we all gathered into penny's tiny bedroom to change - i decided to change on the top bunk (yes, i have always been an idiot jokester and amuse myself with doing silly things). on my way down the ladder, i tripped over my towel or missed a step or something, and fell on the desk just a few feet back from the bed. i didn't think much of it - i remember feeling as though i had hit my ass on something hard, but there was no actual pain.

i reached back to touch my butt, and when i brought my hand forward, there was a lot of blood. as it turned out, the clay dinosaur that penny had made in 3rd grade was broken, and i had fallen on it! rumor had it that a blob of skin was on the dino, but i never saw it. i used my prized penn state towel to soak up the blood.

i checked out my gash in the bathroom mirror and remember thinking it was cool (i used to want to be a brain surgeon)!! penny's mom was a nurse (i think) and she looked at it, and was working to call my parents. there were no cell phones at this time - we had those can things tied to strings, i think. it took a while to track my parents down, but success was eventually made and my mom (or mom & dad?) were on their way.

in the meantime, i started to feel cold and clammy and sleepy and nauseous. not sure if i actually lost a lot of blood (there was a lot of bleeding), or if it was from the excitement or what. but penny's mom wouldn't let me sleep, and she kept me "right" until my mom arrived. i was still in a bathing suit, and had added a windbreaker by the time we walked into the emergency room. the doc numbed me up and cleaned out the wound, and i remember feeling "poking and prodding" and such. and then he said he was on the 3rd stitch or something, and i didn't believe him, so he guided my hand back to feel. he finished with a total of 6 stitches, and my mother dropped me back off at the party... i went to the drive-in with the group!!

incident 3: the victorinox knife
i was cooking a lovely dinner last evening of salmon with luffa gourd, and mini potatoes. (i'll blog about the recipe in the coming days and link this post to that blog). while waiting for the luffa to reduce, i had the perfect opportunity to clean the dishes in the sink!! (my nesting tendencies drive me to excitement over cleaning while cooking!). i was cleaning a big, new (sharp), victorinox knife (wedding gift!!) i was using a soapy brush, and when i removed the brush, the knife flung inward to my left hand and gouged my thumb and hand. i saw a flap of skin and something gaping beneath and immediately grabbed the kitchen towel and wrapped it as tightly as i could. i felt some stinging on the inside of my hand, beneath my pinkie finger, but i didn't see blood oozing from beneath the towel so i didn't worry about it. (turns out the the blade was long enough to get me in two places, but that second little nick was just a "scratch").

i sat down for a minute and had a drink of water, as i almost felt a bit light-headed (i was a little grossed out, which surprised me, and i was worried about my peanut - i didn't want to have a local anesthetic or antibiotics or anything). kevin was walking the dog. i kept checking on the salmon/luffa concoction, and eventually called kevin to say that we should go to the hospital. he was close to home, and once he arrived i second-guessed the need for stitches, so i unwrapped the towel and the wound was purple/red and bulging, and kevin said, "let's go" or something! i wrapped it back up, and we went to the ER. (i think i had applied so much pressure that the blood had collected and the veins were bulging - all i know for sure is that i wasn't bleeding, so the pressure was effective)!!!

i was quick to tell the check-in that i wasn't in labor :) kevin recognized the physician's assistant who came in to stitch me up, as she had stitched up a wound on his arm (from a little run-in with sheet metal) less than a year ago (i was on a work trip, leaving poor kev to fend for himself!!!). the PA was friendly, and due to the fine appearance of kev's scar, i felt comfortable with her putting me back together!

i took the pain from the injection of the anesthetic as an opportunity to practice the relaxation and breathing technique that i plan to employ during birth! it worked rather well - i could feel the stinging and burning, but i was "comfortable." it really is impressive how pain feels so differently when you can manage to relax your muscles, as though the pain is there, but it doesn't own you or something.

the PA then cleaned the wound and i felt lots of blood oozing down my hand - it was weird! i was able to look at the wound a few times without being grossed out - it looked much better than it had previously! here's the wound, 5 stitches later

inhibited by TRF ;)

2010-08-11T10:23:00.002-04:00

for those of you who just can't comprehend why i have yet to finish my thesis, i suggest taking a moment to view this comic.

thesis repulsor field is a real condition - it's not nice to pick on grad students.

LOL!!!!!!

peanut update & a plug for my cooking blog!!

2010-08-10T11:40:00.004-04:00

peanut is about 34 weeks into the making! there is a slight contraversary about the actual gestational age of said peanut, but i'm not too worried. he/she will come when it wants to, and i don't want to be induced, so we'll just see what happens :-)

i keep wondering if it's possible for an infant to come out of the womb, ready to crawl. peanut is soooo wiggly and active! kevin and i are going to have our hands full, that's for sure!! the nursery, aka: peanut's place, is basically ready to go!! all we need is a baby!

in other news, i've started another blog, called melly mel's kitchen. i enjoy cooking, and am looking forward to canning and making homemade baby food in the coming year, and figured it would be fun to document some of these adventures and share them with others! so feel free to add the new blog, http://mellymelskitchen.blogspot.com/, to your aggregate reader, or bookmark it, or just check it out now and then :-) and i thank lo for suggesting the blog!!

a letter to my thesis

2010-08-08T11:13:00.004-04:00

thesis,

i must work on you today. seriously. there is only one problem... i really don't WANT to! i know, i know... i just have to climb this one last hill (or so i keep convincing myself), and then i'll be on the fast track to FINALLY finish you up and send you on your way!! however, i've lost motivation. you know, with the wedding, the baby shower, and getting peanut's place all put together, i've become rather distracted. don't be offended - weddings and babies are pretty cool things, you really shouldn't take my few-week hiatus personally.

i really WANT to finish you... i do!!! and i absolutely will!! i feel so badly that you sit there all broken and incomplete. i just don't want to do the work NOW... TODAY!! i'd rather sit around and read baby books, or nap, or take the dog to the park... you know, normal non-thesis-writer stuff!! is it really so bad to want to be human? i'm sure you can understand this... surely, there must have been times when you no longer wanted to be a thesis, right?

don't worry too much, we've been through these types of lulls before. some were much longer, and i apologize for neglecting you so much over the past 2 years. i've taken the time to track my progress with you, and, let's face it, things between us have not always been pretty. we've been involved in an ongoing love-hate relationship for quite some time, and i'm hoping that we can at least go out in style. afterall, it's only the beginning of august, so i think i have a chance at turning that data point around!

i insist... i MUST get back to work... however begrudgingly. so, thesis, here i come... and i apologize in advance for my hatred of the...

-melly mel

my opinion about the chevy volt: retort

2010-07-31T10:18:00.008-04:00

a friend asked me for my opinion regarding an article in the new york times - an opinion piece about the chevy volt from edward niedermeyer, who edits the truth about cars website. everyone is entitled to their opinion, but i'll make one initial statement... an opinion is subjective, the truth is not.

disclaimer: i was initially writing this in an email and hence used capitalization, but decided to post it as a blog instead...

1. Edward Niedermeyer seems to be like most of America these days and seemingly has no clue of what running a business means. Should GM give everyone in America a free Volt? Or should they subsidize it the way that the US gov't subsidizes corn? This whole cost issue makes me crazy - people "want" these green technologies, but they cost $$$$. So where is the responsibility of the consumer and that of industry? In this particular case, GM is providing an extended range electric vehicle, the first of its kind in this country, and it has a price tag of $41K. I pay more for a mac than a PC because I like it, though many will argue that the cost is not "worth it" - should apple subsidize their macbooks so that American's can have their pick of PC or mac without a hit to their pocketbook? This is called consumerism, people. Buy what you want to buy, and don't buy the things that aren't worth it to you, or are outside of your budget allowance.a pic of the chevy volt (this is the production design), borrowed from the web.

2. Comparing the business model of the Prius to the Volt is silly. The Prius is a hybrid, the Volt is an EREV. I imagine that the business model for GM's hybrids MIGHT be similar to the Prius. But the Volt is a beast of it's own. Consider the cost of the Testla Roadster - it's full of laptop batteries and it's only a 2-seater and costs around $100K, and somehow that's OK. But America somehow expects GM to give the Volt away? Why? The Volt comprises a gas engine, a custom electric powertrain, and state-of-the-art built-for-vehicle lithium batteries that are brand new... all of that equals expensive!! Now consider the cost of the physical facilities, operations, and personnel to develop this beast of a new vehicle in a ridiculously short time.

3. I think the knock on the lease is rather silly simply because a 12K mile lease per year is standard in the US. GM didn't create this especially for the Volt, they are offering it to make the vehicle within reach to more consumers, which is what Edward Niedermeyer apparently wants, and yet he's bashing it.

4. How do we know that the $41K sticker price makes the Volt profitable? I'm not particularly certain that this is the case. Edward Niedermeyer said that the first generation Prius had a true cost of $32,000... that was 13 years ago with nickel metal batteries, and a significantly smaller battery pack compared to the Volt. Regulatory restrictions were much less stringent at that time as well (OBD and the like, meaning sensors, controllers, and development). And what about inflation? So, a simple thought experiment comparing the Prius of 13 years ago to the Volt of today leads me to believe that the Volt costs more than $41K to build in 2010.

5. I don't subscribe to notion that one car can save any one company, period. And even if the Volt WERE the savior child of GM, selling it at a loss doesn't exactly pay the bills. The whole notion is simply nonsensical.

6. The Nissan Leaf and the Chevy Volt are not truly comparable. Yes, everyone compares them to one another, but the Leaf is a 100% electric car. It's great for people who put around a city and have a predictable drive, and a second car for trips or deviations from the normal route. But you can't take a Leaf across country given the existing state of battery technology and the lack of a battery charging infrastructure. The Volt, however, allows one to use the vehicle as an electric vehicle for rather short commutes, but provides a gas engine that will convert gasoline into electricity so that you CAN go across country. You don't have to worry about plugging in. But of course, you CAN plug in and monopolize on reducing your gasoline consumption as much as possible. Leaf does not = Volt, and Volt does not = Leaf.

7. As for the Volt design and space within the vehicle.... I agree that it's disappointing that the design didn't stay true to the concept. GM has stated that it's due to aero. I don't know much about it. While I agree with Mr. Niedermeyer here, I can say that it hasn't inhibited enthusiasts from raving about the Volt - so it's about the potential Volt customer, not my nor Niedermeyer's opinion. As for the Volt being only a 4 passenger vehicle, I think this was always known - it shouldn't come as a surprise. To my knowledge, GM had always planned to package the battery as a T-shaped pack, beneath the vehicle, that would run through the tunnel of the car, eliminating the middle rear seat. I agree that this may be a deal breaker for some, but the Volt is really marketed as a commuter car, and most commuting takes place with one person in a vehicle. With that said, however, the Volt can take you across the country and back (thanks to the 1.4L gasoline engine), and in those cases your road trips will limit you to inviting only 3 pals instead of 4. that's a pic of the concept car, borrowed from the web

8. As for Edward Niedermeyer's sentiment that the only reason to buy a Volt is to make the bailout work is... ignorant, ridiculous, and telling of his lack of consumer perspective. People buy luxury SUV's that get < 20mpg, for hefty sticker prices in excess of $65K. Plenty of vehicles in today's US market cost in excess of $40K (think Audi, Mercedes, Cadillac, BMW, trucks, SUV's, etc.). Some greenies, techies and even regular consumers who are sick of increasing fuel prices will be willing to shell out the $41K for something new, cool and fun to drive, that provides the opportunity to avoid using gasoline during daily commutes. Need I remind Edward Niedermeyer that this is not a high-volume vehicle that GM is aiming to sell to every man, woman and child in the US. It's a relatively low volume vehicle aimed at satisfying a niche market. And given my interaction with the public surrounding the Volt, I think that GM is succeeding in that mission. Sales will paint the final picture, of course, so we'll find out once Volts begin rolling off of the production line at the end of this year.

ears for anna

2010-07-30T07:47:00.002-04:00

an adorable friend of mine was born with a hearing impairment, and recently learned that she is a candidate for fancy new hearing aids that will improve her ability to hear (both quality of sound and tones that she's been unable to hear previously!!). please consider contributing to her opportunity to hear life more closely to the way you and i do, everyday. even $1 can help, and so can passing on this message!!! thanks for reading :)

aren't you glad you didn't marry your high school boyfriend?

2010-07-22T12:18:00.005-04:00

well, maybe you DID marry your high school boyfriend, and maybe not. regardless, this really isn’t a dig on your old flame(s), or current husband, really! it’s really a blog about me, as a woman, and one’s perspectives, expectations, and understanding of oneself, and what those mean when it comes to a relationship (you know, the mushy kind), and how those things can change with time.

i must have had a dozen or more serious crushes throughout my pre-college school career. it started in kindergarten with the “cutest” boy. it went on to another really “cute” boy who was my best friend, in first grade. these crushes began to take on different forms, triggered by things such as the bad-ass-ness of a given boy, to the boy with the “coolest” haircut (shaved sides and a “tail”), maybe even the boy who liked the “coolest” music (be it bon jovi or guns n roses or UB40), or wore the coolest shorts (jams, anyone?). it was always about the cute and the cool, from my perception of course.

this blog is not intended to devalue the relative significance of any of the emotions that i felt at the time i was painfully enduring the reality that a given crush was out of reach, nor those emotions associated with any of the relationships that actually precipitated. it’s just that, in hind sight, the reasons for my infatuations (which, to be honest, is exactly what most of them were), were reasonably superficial.

and what more can one expect from a high school girl, or even a college girl? disclaimer – i’m not trying to generalize all females as having been as petty and superficial as i was during those formative years – i just think it makes sense for girls between the ages of oh, i dunno, 5 and 25 to possess rather “interesting” criteria for choosing the men in their life.

and here’s where perspective comes into play. it’s all about what you can see and what you’re looking for. and what ARE you looking for? well that’s largely a function of what you think you want or need, and that, of course, is constrained or facilitated by one’s ability to really know their self, and all of those things are a function of experiences, thoughts, understanding, morals, etc., etc., etc.. and what are your expectations of that person who is the center of your attention? expectations are generated from what you think you need/require, from our socialization about what we are supposed need and require (and these, what WE think and what society thinks, can really clash or really mesh).

i came to the conclusion a few years ago that all i really want, from a partnership/marriage, is to share life together and enjoy one another while doing so (a few more details to come, but that’s the big picture). and that, of course, is VERY different from what i had in mind while chasing any of my list of “crushes” during my adolescence, or even during my college years!!

what does that mean? and why does it matter? well, to various people in various circumstances maybe, it's different, as people have different criteria. Certainly in the US we have a large emotional requirement relative to the expectations in less “developed” nations, where marriage is more about social structure and propagation than finding your “soul mate.” for me, i wanted a blend of function and emotion. and i wanted to figure out a recipe that i “believe” fosters endurance of a relationship.

for me, i realized that i could be on my own. i’m independent, i enjoy being by myself to a large extent, and i have the ability to physically and fiscally take care of myself. i also have a lot to offer someone else. so if i were to enter some lifelong partnership with another, i wanted it to benefit me as well. i wanted to find my equal. i had conceded that if i had to be responsible for more than 50% of the relationship, i’d just as soon be on my own – what would be the point otherwise? i didn’t want to have to be someone’s mother, nor be responsible for the relationship or every aspect of our life together. i wanted to be accepted for me (not for what someone wanted me to be), and accept someone else equally.

basically, i just wanted a mature, responsible adult, who was as interested in me as i was in them, and who had interests and passions outside of work, but who wanted to be truly committed and involved in a relationship. oh, AND, perhaps most importantly, someone who COULD be on their own as well, but CHOSE to be with me (because doing so somehow enriched their life as the relationship would enrich mine). and given all of those things, i could also do the parenting thing with them.

i wasn’t particularly sold on the idea that i could find this “someone” to fulfill these relationship criteria, and hence agreed with myself to live a life of relationship solitude. and that really didn't seem so bad. i mean, i’m pretty good company, i laugh at myself, my dog finds me amusing as well, and i am graced with many wonderful friends to satisfy human interaction/socialization that bring joy to my life. i figured I’d just be on my own, manipulate young guys for kicks when necessary (i keep getting older, but they stay the saaame aaage, to quote Matthew McConaughey from Dazed & Confused), adore and spoil the children of others, and if i ended up in my 40’s and yearning to nurture human life, adopt a 13 year old girl.

but as it turns out, i DID find my mature, responsible adult, who can live without me but chooses to live life with me. i was pretty surprised by the whole thing, admittedly! and of course that someone is Kevin – MY Kevin (I love being possessive these days – i think it’s the pregnancy hormones ;). as it turns out, we both happen to like “life together” so much that we are getting married... on saturday!!!

married. ME – MARRIED – AGAIN!! LOL!! who knew?!?!

as for the blog title, i’m not sure that it’s really significant at all. i was married once, and i divorced and life goes on. i suppose the thing i am most struck by is that life is simply this dynamic adventure. knowledge is truly relative; our perspectives affect our experiences, and our experiences our perspectives, and both things factor in to the way that we generate expectations. it’s funny to think of having married someone as a 6 year old based on how cute they were, versus my newer more philosophical criteria. the truth is, had i been married at age 6 to my best friend, surely i would have been happy at that time, for that’s all i wanted.

as for now, all i know is that i am happy :) kevin brings joy to my life in both the silliest and most profound of ways. i adore him and am grateful to be sharing my life with such a wonderful person (and don't worry, i think he's pretty fortunate, too)!

i like to think that now, being in my thirties, my expectations are less superficial and more fundamental. his expectations are parallel with mine (sort of important, haha), and hopefully this will enable us to enjoy a lifetime of happiness, together :)

torrential happiness

2010-07-16T14:02:00.004-04:00

last night's pottery outing was a pre-wedding celebration for me, compliments of my wonderful gal pals :) the evening started off great with chatter, doritos, and a surprise gift!! i was the recipient of THE most awesome gifts!!!
-cooler!! it's been an ongoing joke with jess since i've been coolerless for 2+ years, and recently borrowed hers (AGAIN)! the timing of this was incredible, as i will explain more later...

-salad spinner!! i had one of these but i broke it recently, and my relationship with lettuce has been strained, or not, ever since.

-twizzlers!! refer to my twizzlers blog if you are unfamiliar with my love for them

-earrings for my wedding, handcrafted by meghan cleveland designs

-canning supplies (a starter kit)!!! i am soooo happy about this! it's totally going to come in handy for some of my homemade baby food, as well as pasta sauce and such!! i typically make sauce each time i cook/bake an italian concoction - once peanut comes along i'll have much less time, so large sauce-making/canning sessions will be in order!!!! and i think i'll do applesauce in the fall! i'm SOOO excited! makes me extra excited to take advantage of all that the farmer's market has to offer!!

-a gift card to macy's :-) i think i'll use this to buy a nice picture frame to display a wedding photo!

after enjoying the opening of my gifts (which were completely unexpected and soooo appreciated!!), we headed to sangria!! they have great tapas and delicious sangria! i had a small glass of sangria - it truly was a small amount of wine given that it's mixed with fruit juices and my class was more than half full of ice, but i really enjoyed it!!!

we ate and ate and enjoyed dessert samplers, laughter and discussions about relationships, birth, children, careers, corporations, and other bits of philosophy. at some point a thunderstorm came through - we could see the rain coming down in sheets - it was rather torrential. but there we were, tucked safely inside of the restaurant enjoying our food and our laughter. it was so fun!!! i had an excellent evening!

afterwards we all piled into meghan's SUV and she drove us back to my place. branches were strewn all about, trees were down, the railroad track underpasses were flooded, and the power was out on my block. so we chatted a few minutes in my driveway, i distributed heartfelt hugs and thanks, and then everyone dispersed.

the power was still out this morning, so corrigan bought some ice and we used our brand-new cooler to harbor the contents of our fridge/freezer! thankfully jess's cooler was still at my place (i borrowed it recently), as we needed two of them to accommodate everything!

thanks to jess, meg, lo, nina and cristina for a perfect pre-wedding celebration!!!!! :-)

you might be a hippie if....

2010-07-14T20:37:00.003-04:00

... you want to have a natural birth, you love farmer's markets, and you shop at the natural foods store. ahem - so what if i have a strand of hippie in my DNA?!?! :-)

i walked into bath and body works for a few minutes today and noted that their lavender vanilla massage oil cost $16 for 4 ounces. plus i couldn't find the ingredients, and i am being very cautious (always conscientious of ingredients, but now that i'm prego i'm even more careful). so i opted to not buy anything and check the natural foods store in royal oak.

i shop at nutrifoods in royal oak for supplements, organic grains, and other sundries, and today decided to check out their oils. i found lavender essential oil, along with a neutral almond oil base. essential oils are highly concentrated, so you mix them with a base if you want to use them for massage. anyway, the 2 oz. bottle of essential oil was $14.99 and the 16 oz. bottle of almond oil $9.99. the lavender oil will last indefinitely, as it takes as it takes only a few drops of lavender per ounce of almond to make a nicely scented potion. plus, both oils are 100% pure. no additives, no chemicals, no damn cancer causing parabans or retinyl palmitate (things that are typically found in lotions, shampoos, etc.).

i also found 100% pure lanolin, which is excellent for healing dry skin, particularly sensitive skin.

the purpose of the lavender massage oil acquisition is to facilitate practicing relaxation techniques for birth. our birthing class homework recommends 30 minutes of relaxation per day, so if i'm lucky i'll get to try out my newly concocted massage oil when corrigan returns from painting his doors :)

daily grind

2010-07-12T20:02:00.002-04:00

typing that just reminded me of eric nies who was a part of the first season of "the real world" and later went on to hose "the grind"... oh, how i loved MTV in the 90's :)

anyway - my daily grind is a bit lame this week as i my test cell is not yet running, and i have a bunch of paper work to appease me until next week :(

today was the first day back at work after the "shutdown" - here in the metro detroit region it was historically typical for vehicle plants to shut down for two weeks in july in order to change tooling and such (for the new vehicle models), and was also an opportune time for other maintenance. i presume the plants still shutdown for 2 weeks, but the business units tend to have only 1 week of shutdown, or in other words, forced vacation (and yes, you have to use your vacation days).

i spent most of my time working on my thesis, and also managed to enjoy two picnics, a date with kev, and an afternoon at waterford hills for open track day :-) i also met one of the two midwives (of which one will facilitate peanut's arrival), the birthing center, and did a bunch of prego reading, exercising, etc.!!

i'm going to hit the sack early this evening, as waking before 7:30 or 8 am for the first time in 9 days has left me quite exhausted!!!

my dead frogs

2010-07-09T17:23:00.006-04:00

my nephew, ethan, wrote a book in school called, "my dead frogs." the teacher had this book printed and bound from ethan's hand-drawn and hand-written pages. i feel immensely grateful to be the recipient of a copy of this fine publication, as angela relinquished on to me :-) check out the cover:
ethan is 7 years old, and is clever, smart, and very sensitive. :) i found this book to be, simultaneously, the most hilarious and also saddest thing i've ever read!!!! allow me to quote the entire book, line by line (it's brief):

"one time i had a frog.
he did not get crickets.
he turned brown.
he went to sleep.
when he was asleep he was dead. i buried him in the dirt.
i had another frog. he ate too many crickets.
he got fat and turned brown.
then he died. i will never have frogs for pets again."

i'll close by sharing my favorite illustration from the precious book. it is of the frog who ate too many crickets, developed a beer gut of sorts and turned brown before he succumbed to a gluttonous death.

and it's time for a thesiscation

2010-07-02T15:44:00.004-04:00

my sister and her family came to michigan last weekend. it was a lovely weekend filled with eating, touring the detroit zoo, swimming and dodging the rain at belle isle, and an epic water balloon battle. check out a few pics from the festivities:

The Boys June 2010

corrigan permitted me to take his '69 camaro to work today for the employee car show. i had an excellent drive in and back home, what more can i say? oh yeah, thanks, corrigan!! :-)

shutdown is officially in effect - no work until july 12th! i've had a tiring week, so i'm planning to relax all evening! thesiscation starts tomorrow! i am in a position to finish my thesis over the next 10 days or so (and by that i mean a full, legit draft of the final document - hopefully small edits will be the only subsequent requirements once i hand this bad boy in!!). i have one last hoop to jump through before i can get my code running. i made tons of progress this week in preparation for this upcoming "break," and the only issue left to resolve is converting the output from the equilibrium solver into an array that i can pass around in matlab. i don't want to underestimate how much time that will take me (since i don't recognize the output structure and have found no help with several google searches thus far), but it seems small compared to all that i managed to accomplish this past week!

peanut is bouncy and active and GROWING! i'm starting to feel tired in the afternoons, and the heat doesn't help in that department one bit. i suppose this is additional motivation to finish the thesis ASAP, as i doubt i'll have the energy to keep plugging away much longer! so, wish me luck!!!

summertime at the corrigan residence

2010-06-20T12:14:00.005-04:00

um, ok... so, i'm not yet officially a corrigan, but it will happen soon enough, and i may as well just go with it :)

while life at the corrigan household is beginning to evolve a bit as we prepare for the arrival of our little peanut (who is due in approximately 13 weeks!!!), some things never change :) kevin still enjoys playing with cars, and paris retains her deep appreciation for kev's car time as this enables her to spend hours outside while he works! lately she has devoted much of her outdoor time to hunting small critters. i hate to bring it up, but she's not successful in the least. her lack of success, however, does not deter her. in fact, she is rather fixated on the happenings beneath the deck, and hence has discerned a method of maneuvering around obstacles to climb beneath the deck to hassle her lusted prey. she's also become pretty good at snagging her lead and getting stuck beneath there, and waiting pathetically until someone comes to her rescue :) all the while those two are playing outside, i tend to remain inside, writing my thesis, spending mommy time with peanut (i LOVE the little kicks), reading, and cooking :) i've recently taken to making homemade bread, and it's sooo yummy! and my thesis is really coming along! if i can meet my deadline to finish my damn two-zone heat release code and generate data before the july shutdown, i should be able to finish up a final "draft" before mid-july, which will put me on track to defend before the end of summer!!!

as for the things that are changing... both kev and i have been devoting time to birthing class (and the required food tracking, reading, and exercising that comes along with it), as well as general peanut preparations. kevin stripped the finish from a crib that my friend, nina, donated to us, and then we painted that, as well as an unfinished dresser that we bought this past week. here are the finished products!
other than wishing i had more time to spend outside, with paris, hiking, swimming, etc., i have no complaints! things are going wonderfully! i really enjoy being pregnant :) i'm finishing up the final details of the impending wedding!! and i'm getting ready for the advent of birth, and the new resident who is about to join us :)

canine comedy

2010-06-17T12:13:00.002-04:00

while exploring the grounds at vysehrad in prague, i observed several dogs playing. i happened to snap this shot, which is, in my opinion, the very funniest candid dog photo i personally have ever taken!!!

flirting with a kindle

2010-05-31T22:10:00.012-04:00

books. i love books. i love the smell of old books. i love to read books - the feel of the pages (especially with old books), the aroma emanating from within (again, old books take the cake here), and who can resist the importance of a bookmark, aka: the signature of progress!?!?!? what's not to love about books?

recently i was aching to start a new book that i just ordered ("escape from cubicle nation" by pamela slim), but it would not arrive in time for my trip to san diego. so, i did what any impatient, obsessed, reading junkie with about $13 credit in her amazon account would do: i bit the bullet and bought the electronic version for the plane! up until this point i had no idea this was possible, but as it turns out, there is a free, download-able kindle app for mac (and for a PC, ipad/iphone, or black(blue)berry)! here's what it looks like to read a book via kindle on my mac (this is from the book "committed" by elizabeth gilbert:) you clever readers out there may have observed that i've referenced two different books... i am so ashamed!! see, i had no real angst about downloading just one, teensy weensy, unassuming book for awesome reading during two long flights. but then earlier this evening i was itching for yet another book, and i crossed into the danger zone...

the local barnes and noble didn't have a copy of "committed." i'm much too lazy and frugal with my fuel to drive farther JUST to acquire a book. ordering from amazon would take days. and, well, like any self-respecting reader drooling over a specific title, i wanted instant gratification!! hence, i went ahead and procured e-book #2. it was at that very moment i felt on the brink of engaging in a sordid affair with a new, young mistress behind the hard backs of the family of books i have carefully acquired and grown to love and cherish. what's worse is that i worry this will become an addiction and subsequently inhibit the rate at which i populate (or my ability to create) the floor-to-ceiling shelves of my future library in the corner of my non-existent house!

the attractive thing about kindle is the ability to acquire books instantly. i do not, by any means, prefer reading on my computer compared to cuddled up in a chair or on the couch with a book (see, book family, i don't ENJOY reading via kindle, HONEST!). but i can't cuddle up with something that i don't have. i'm torn between grabbing the reigns of the advent of instant access to "books" and reading them on a screen, or retiring to my lust for pages of type-written words bound into tangible, readable, books. i can't choose - i want both!

ecocar year two competition

2010-05-28T18:13:00.004-04:00

ecocar is a 3 year competition which challenges 16 teams in the us and canada to compete to develop and utilize advanced propulsion vehicles. the year 2 competition was held in yuma and san diego this year. dynamic testing of the vehicles occurred in yuma, at GM's proving grounds, and technical presentations were given in san diego followed by an award's ceremony. highlighes including videos, pictures and blogs can be found at the green garage.

i supported 6 of the student teams as a diesel engine subject matter expert (from GM). i'm proud to report that 2 of the 6 teams using my little 1.3L engine (from GM europe) placed in the top three teams at this year's competition!!!

1st Place: Mississippi State - EREV vehicle with 1.3L diesel engine, two UQM electric motors, and an A123 systems battery pack

2nd Place: Virginia Tech - EREV vehicle with 2.4L GM engine running E85 and two electric motors

3rd Place: Penn State - EREV vehicle with electric motor, A123 battery pack, and 1.3L diesel engine running on B20

here is a pic of some of the students blowing off some steam on wednesday afternoon, after the final presentations were complete! it was a beautiful day to lounge by the pool, and network with the students who worked so hard to compete in the competition!

show some love and check out the team sites and or the green garage blog. it's really impressive what these teams are able to achieve, given that they comprise undergraduate and graduate students. they utilize complex software and hardware and are held to very high standards (the rule books are 100+ pages, and follow many of the same rules and regulations that the auto industry is held to).

yay for ecocar! i can't wait for year 3 :-)

i love farmer's markets

2010-05-28T17:27:00.005-04:00

yesterday was my last day in san diego. i spent the morning at the house of blues for breakfast and the ecocar year two competition award's ceremony. i was staying at the westin in the gaslamp quarter, which was only a few blocks away from the house of blues. on the walk back to the hotel i saw a farmer's market. i was on my way to check out at the hotel and head to the airport for my flight, so i wasn't exactly in a position to procure produce and plants, but i couldn't resist walking through just to enjoy the aromas of freshly farmed goods. mmmmmm :-) it reminded me of the farmer's market in downtown state college,pa, where i used to buy veggies, gobs, and flowers! i looked forward to sunny friday's where i could walk downtown for lunch and spend a little time perusing the market :)

i spend time nearly every saturday morning perusing all that the royal oak farmer's market has to offer. some of my favorites include buying delicious raw honey from the bee lady of le cocoa bee honey, bacon from john henry's, and portuguese corn bread from vic the bread man! other weekly purchases include granola, free range eggs, meat and cheeses, fresh grains, and assorted veggies and fruits (as in season).

kevin and i are going to spend the day in ann arbor tomorrow, and plan to visit the farmer's market there for a change. i have been to eastern market before (the farmer's market in detroit), and enjoyed it. but i didn't spend enough time there to really become acquainted with all it had to offer. so hopefully i'll make a trip there sometime soon to try again!

melly mel's suggestions for why you should check out your local farmer's market:
1. support local farmers and your local economy

2. you know that your food hasn't spent days or weeks in transit, being exposed to god knows what (your local farmer likely woke up around 2 or 3 am to load the truck(s) and drive to the market in time to set-up)

3. you have the opportunity to get to know the people who grow/raise and touch your food (which means you can ask all sorts of questions)!

4. an opportunity to be kinder to animals - small, local farmers tend to employ more traditional and humane farming practices, which enable animals to live and enjoy life as an animal (roaming fields and eating grass instead of mashed up grain 100% of the time) until "the end," unlike many commercial farmers who stockpile (no pun intended) animals in barns and pump them up with antibiotics and hormones.

5. expand your palate - you'll find grains and veggies that you never even knew existed! it's a great opportunity to try new foods - especially great for those who love to cook and experiment with new concoctions!!

6. it's fun! grab a basket or some canvas bags, and load them up while you meet your local farmers :-) !

google rocks!

2010-05-25T16:55:00.007-04:00

i was super happy to see google celebrating pacman's birthday with the logo, AND the ability to play it!!!

however, some people were not so thrilled. in this article by fast company, they describe data/projections about how much time people spent playing pacman. frankly, i think it's a stupid thing to talk about. and i think it's ridiculous to point at google as though they did something potentially destructive (even IF people spent 1 week playing pacman, it's hardly the fault of google - how about personal accountability?)!

what i want to know is who pays "rescue time" to do these types of analysis anyway? who cares? the assertion that people spending 7 minutes playing pacman constitutes productivity loss for corporations is flawed. the notion that employees (office employees, not those running equipment or working on a mfg. line) must (and, aside from playing pacman, do) produce 100% of the working day is silly. before facebook and google-enabled pacman, people socialized, took coffee breaks, etc. seems to me that the ease of collecting data has generated a habit of quantification just for the sake of quantifying something, and without real purpose. i love data, perhaps more than anyway, but i love MEANINGFUL data. it's about as meaningful as conducting a study about how much time people spend filling up water bottles and using the restroom.

from wonderwoman to human being

2010-05-22T13:10:00.006-04:00

i had wonderwoman underoo's when i was about 3 years old - i was chubby and adorable with my legs and belly spilling out all around them. perhaps that was what inspired my wonderwoman-like existence.

once upon a time i was a machine. i worked incessantly, i was productive, and i was good at it. when you have one ultimate priority in your life (work), it's easy. i am sure that people who knew me thought it was hard for me to do so much, but it wasn't, it really was easy. having a singular focus makes things easier.

sure, i had friends, and i spent time with my nephews, and i raised a dog or two. but balancing all of that was part of my super-humanness... i gave myself one constraint, and that constraint was to produce according to my plan. i was able to manage my time such that i could produce, produce, produce, while squeezing some fun and family time in between. it worked, it was nearly effortless, and i had infinite energy to accommodate that.

a lot has changed in the past 2-3 years. i got divorced, finished grad school (ABD), started a job, got a boyfriend, made friends, boyfriend got cancer, changed jobs, got pregnant, got engaged... and all the while i've been working on a thesis. with my previous super human persona this stupid thesis would be complete already - i would have finished it because i would have sacrificed everything else except for my job in order to accomplish it....

the real changes in my life in the past 2-3 years have less to do with the milestones and more to do with my perspective - all of my values have shifted. i no longer enjoy slaving relentlessly. i no longer aim to take over the world and enjoy 46 side-activities while doing so. (and i won't even get into how jaded i am with corporate america). i have grown accustom to sleeping-in on weekends, to having a life in the evenings, to enjoying time with my friends. i finally have a life... i've grown accustom to living that life instead of living to work. i'm happier, and i love my life! but it's harder...

it's hard to work on a stupid thesis that i no longer care much about (other than from a technical interest perspective, and simply wanting to finish what i started out to achieve), and that has morphed into a huge pain in my ass (i found mistakes that are taking months to resolve)... it's hard to work on this when i'd rather just sit on a couch and tuch and admire my belly, hang out at the park helping paris to chase squirrels (i am the scout and she is the chaser), do yoga for an hour ot two, spend 3 hours talking with kevin while eating a 5-course meal that took me hours to make. (oh, and i am pretty tired these days - manufacturing a human life consumes a lot of energy!)

the thing that compounds everything is that my insane expectations from the past (to achieve awesomeness at all costs) resound, even though i no longer live according to that creed. the implication, of course, is self-loathing. it's impossible to finish this thesis fast enough or good enough while also having a life, and i have a hard time respecting myself.

i know... the solution sounds simple... i'm supposed to relax, accept reality, take things one day at a time, and i'll eventually finish it. i am TRYING to learn how to do that. i've been doing it for about a week (mr. wonderful is picking up some of my duties in order to make a little thesis work possible each day)... it IS working, more functionally than emotionally - i am making tiny fragments of progress. but it's going to take forever - previous thesis tasks were easy to knock out in several-hour blocks of focused time. my remaining tasks require creativity, patience, more learning, and a lot of time - things which are difficult to muster when i lack motivation. all progress is incremental at best, which makes it all the more daunting. oh, and i still have better things to do with my time. BUT... i AM doing it, a little each day, predominantly thanks to kevin.

and i guess that's enough bitching for one afternoon - matlab is calling....

not so good, yet not exactly horrible, reasonably bad day

2010-05-19T12:37:00.002-04:00

the day actually started off wonderfully! i managed to get my ass out of bed before 6am - YIPPEE!!! corrigan made me a glorious egg and cheese sandwich on my homemade honey wheat bread, with a side of bacon and delicious OJ! this is normal for us, minus the homemade bread :)

but then everything went down hill. i couldn't move this morning! i was just slow - it took me forever to shower, iron, get out of the house! kev left his wallet behind, and i offered to drop it off to him (his office is about 5 minutes away from mine), so i took crooks north to 75. of course i was stuck behind a big slow truck on my right, and an annoyingly slow toyota in the left lane. GRRR. don't they know you're supposed to go AT LEAST the speed limit, preferably faster?! UGH! i finally ditched the slow pokes about a mile or two before entering the highway.

i was in a zone, outraged at what NPR was reporting (TANGENT: the people reporting about the oil spill are just annoying - they act as though 1. offshore drilling is prevelant and that it is not high risk and that every piece of science should exist to manage the whole thing within 5 seconds - GET REAL - we have 100 years of emperical data for combustion engines and we still mess stuff up... and 2. that BP doesn't care about the spill - i assure you that losing bajillions of dollars per day to lost oil in the ocean not to mention all of the resources going into efforts to stop the leak and clean up the oil make BP care, even if they are not altruistic), so i exited the highway early, as if i were going to work instead of waiting for univ. drive exit to go to kev's. then i thought, "no big deal, i'll just take opdyke," but NO, the ramp to opdyke was closed for construction, so i had to go to MLK and then cut across to opdyke and to kev's office! it wasn't a big deal in terms of time, just 5 minutes or something, but it peeved me nonetheless!!!

i got to see kevin's cutie pie face which is nice, and then i made it to my office with minimal frustration (NPR). i started walking into work only to realize that i left my badge in my car - what made this worse is that as i was pulling in i thought to myself, "gotta grab my badge from the center console" - but no, i didn't do that! so i had to walk BACK to my car... placed my lunch bad on my hood, and my apple rolled out and hit the ground. BOO! me no likely bruised apples... MEH! got my badge. proceeded BACK to the building (it's a nice 1/10 of a mile or more to the building from my car). during that walk i saw someone (who works here but that i don't work with) that i didn't want to talk to - no reason, no drama, just didn't feel like having a superficial convo with them nor did i even want to say hi (my mood didn't help my interest in cordiality), so i kept my head down and walked quickly to the building.

made it to my desk. that was nice! 30 minutes later realized that some components that took me forever to get are WRONG!!! WRONG WRONG WRONG! luckily my tech and i are resourceful, we found a workaround, but i'll need to order spares. other good news is that they are dirt cheap - $25 per part - could be WAY worse!!!

work has gone well otherwise, i'm just so sleepy!!! and walking causing a lot of discomfort at the top of my stomach. i suppose this is heartburn or acid reflux or something - thankfully i don't have much of a history with these problems. all i know is that movement causes discomfort, and i'm craving a bottle of maalox. i'm also horribly annoyed that my belly button is ALMOST and outtie.... EWE!!! when i rub my tummy, touching my belly button makes me want to vomit - i hate it! GROSS!!!!

it's not a beer gut, it's a baby!

2010-05-07T11:10:00.005-04:00

kevin and i stopped at the bagel factory for breakfast on our way to work one day last week. apparently kevin is a frequent patron, because the owner knew him and started a conversation. she then congratulated us on our peanut. she said that when someone looks as i do, they have either gained a lot of weight, or are pregnant. of course i subconsciously stroke my tummy all the livelong day, so it was easy for her to discern the latter.

for most of the time i've been pregnant, i wanted to wear a shirt that said, "it's not a beer gut, it's a baby!" i really felt like a freshman with a beer gut up until a few weeks ago!! i just sort of popped around the time i returned from my european vacation. and it's obvious enough now that i get random "congratulations" salutations from men that i pass in the hallway at work. i decided that if men notice, and are willing to assume i am pregnant, i must have passed the beer gut phase!!!

while walking through the mall on saturday (i needed to buy prego business clothes), a gentleman employed at a shoestore standing out front of it asked me if congratulations were in order. i confirmed, and he said he was happy that he didn't have to put his foot in his mouth! so silly!

kevin and i celebrated our two year anniversary by going to dinner at mario's in detroit on saturday. TWO YEARS!!! i have to say that in some ways it feels much longer than two years simply because so much has happened during that time! all i know is that i'm a lucky girl :-) here is a pic of me in my prego dress! wish i had gotten one of kev and i together - he was all sexy in his plum shirt and gray sweater vest :) the food was excellent - they totally overfeed you with bread, meat and veggies/relish tray prior to the actual start of the meal, but i really liked it! kev had a filet and i had gnocchi!

puppy treat recipe and more

2010-05-03T21:31:00.004-04:00

i am now twenty weeks pregnant, and have gained 10 pounds. my appetite has evolved into something quite ferocious, and i am craving sugar like a crack addict craves, well, what other than crack!? i opted to make jello in an effort to appease my sugar cravings without consuming too many calories/fat (i am in love with my ever-expanding tummy, but i am not interested in an ever-expanding ass)!!

paris is 6 years old today... or so i think today is her birthday. i can never recall whether it's may 3rd or may 6th. i selected may 3rd on her facebook dogbook. i could resolve this confusion by rummaging through my cabinet of files in the basement, but it seems like too much work. besides, she has no friggin clue what a birthday is. all she knows is that i randomly (once per year) make peanut butter puppy biscuits, and make her wear a stupid hat with an annoying elastic string that pinches her ears. paris anxiously waiting for kevin to say "ok" so that she can enjoy some homemade peanut butter deliciousness.

by the way, the recipe for said dog biscuits is as follows (from some dog website):
1. pre-heat oven to 375F

2. place 1 C wheat flower into a medium sized bowl

3. mix 1 C peanut butter, 2 tbsp honey, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 C water in a saucepan and mix over medium heat until the peanut butter melts and you have a consistent mixture.

4. fold melted mixture into wheat flour (or, slowly add it to the bowl and use a mixer)

5. roll out the dough (using more flour as necessary) and cut into shapes (may i recommend hearts and tiny bones!?)

6. place on ungreased cookie sheet and bake for 10 minutes, remove and allow to cool (for chewy)

7. for harder biscuits, bake 15 minutes, and then turn the oven off and wait another 10 minutes or so to remove the tray from the oven (keep an eye on it to avoid burning)

the biscuits are paris-approved! then again, paris is the type of dog who will eat a rotting, gutted rabbit carcass or other similar delicacies without batting an eyelash.

thesis is synonymous with misery

2010-04-18T16:55:00.006-04:00

what is the recipe for successful thesis writing? well, that is a trick question, as there is no recipe for success! any concoction of tactics or processes, while potentially providing intermittent success, are inevitably a recipe for disaster. i have employed a multitude of things, either individually or in combination with others, to facilitate productivity, things such as:
-turn off the wireless card to avoid email and facebook

-listen to whatever music fosters motivation (all time low, mayday parade, zeppelin)

-find a quiet spot to work (library, desk at home, kitchen table)

-find a noisy spot to work (coffee shop, panera, other public spot)

and while we're on the topic of productivity, i think there is merit in defining it. productivity has many forms. sometimes it's the soft stuff... reading, thinking, searching, and/or computing for a multiple-hour period, at the end of which you have nothing tangible to show for it, aside from the knowledge that you couldn't possibly move forward without having done so. then there is the hard evidence that you've accomplished something... the multiple-hour period that resulted in a pile of plots, words on a page, a new chapter or draft of a pre-existing one, etc. productivity is, in itself, fuel for additional productivity. the downside is that failed attempts at being productive, you know, the times when you spend 5 hours surfing facebook, email and the web in lieu of working because you just can't muster the mental strength to proceed, are also cyclic... failed attempts fuel subsequent failed attempts until you somehow manage to break the vicious cycle.

the truth is, a doctoral thesis isn't just a thesis. a doctoral thesis isn't just several chapters of writing culminating the work that one did and the leanings one accomplished. sure, a thesis, once finished, may look to be just that. and surely the primary objective is to produce that. but, a thesis is, for a period of time, a life choice.

in many ways it's self-induced torment and suffering, all in the name of accomplishing something that no one else has. it's a personal journey through all of one's weaknesses, strengths, and idiosyncrasies, in an effort to produce a concrete, scientific document, that demonstrates one's ability to create a new line of sight to share with the rest of their scientific community. the problem is that said journey unlocks every ounce of insecurity along the way, and often when you're least expecting it.

to write a thesis is to confront fear of failure on a regular basis, but without anticipation of it. for a perfectionist, nothing is simultaneously more motivating nor more debilitating than fear of failure. it all depends on where one's confidence level falls at a given moment. on good days when confidence runs high, fear of failure helps to fuel the fire to productivity. one the bad ones, when confidence has been shaken, there is nothing that can be done to combat that fear of failure. there is no tactic, no motivation, no rationalization, that can be employed to push past the barrier to productivity. and this is where the fine virtue of tenacity becomes essential.

as in all areas of life, there are good days and there are bad days. my experience with thesis writing is that i've had good days, good weeks, and even good months, in conjunction with bad days, bad weeks, and bad months... the relative proportions of each every changing and never predictable. yet somehow, i always manage to pick myself up and get back on the thesis wagon, regardless how caustic a taste lingers in my mouth from the previous ride. and i have no explanation for how this becomes possible in a given moment... it's unclear to me exactly what separates a day of immobility from a day of glorious productivity.

certainly i am fortunate to have an excellent support network - friends, family colleagues... some who have been through this process before me, or are experiencing this with me. all of the jokes and kind comments are one contribution to my ability to muster tenacity. and certainly i am motivated - i must finish my thesis, there is no other option for me, and i am discipline (when i choose to be, or whatever that means). but i have yet to learn the secret to aligning the stars just right. i don't yet understand how to power the switch for my productivity. thus, the ride thus far has been tumultuous, but i'm still going...

flying in style

2010-04-11T08:48:00.004-04:00

i do not typically experience moments of "awe" about fancy things, such as houses, vehicles, jewelry, etc. i'm just not all that impressed by superficial things (though i can appreciate that they are "nice.").

i fly a reasonable amount, and i've always been unimpressed with first class. what's the big deal? you get marginally better food (and that's relative to crap), free alcohol (how much can one drink on a 1-4 hour flight anyway?), and bigger seats. the snacks are better - they usually offer fresh fruit, which is nice! and i can appreciate the bigger seat, more leg room thing - that is enjoyable. but overall, it's not worth the price, and it seems a bit pretentious, frankly! every time i leave a plane i notice that the first class seating area is trashed - papers and blankets strewn all about - it's just weird.

kevin booked business class seats for us on our return flight from europe. he's always been adamant about flying first class, and i sort of thought he was a big spoiled dork about it! he works for an international company and flies internationally a lot, and so gets a bunch of upgrades and first class flights overseas. big deal, who cares... right?

well, i think i'm about to eat my words. have you ever flown across the ocean? (my longest flights have been to and from europe, so it's not nearly as bad as flying to the eastern continents). even with 7-8 hour flights, flying coach is a bit like being a sardine... crawling over people to get to the lavatory, cramped and uncomfortable after 3-4 hours in your seat, susceptible to witnessing the scent of the people near you after hours on a plane and having eaten horrible food (gross)!!! screaming kids and annoying people (a bit frustrating when trying to sleep, though not that sleep is possible when you are a SARDINE)!!!

upon entering the aircraft yesterday i found my way to seat 5G (the first class area is arranged with 6 seats across, with aisles on either side of the middle section of two seats). kevin was in 5C - we were next to one another and both had aisle seats - PERFECT!!!!

the seats were enormous - the blankets and pillows were "real" (not the scratchy mini-pillow or too-small fleece blanket types). delta provides a little goody bag, comprising lotion, chapstick, socks, tissues, toothbrush & toothpaste, etc. the socks were great - they allow you to ditch your shoes all the while protecting your personal socks while wondering about the cabin or many trips to the lavatory (being pregnant is tricky - i had to use the lavatory at least 6 times - i kept switching between the two in the first class area)!

i must admit, despite myself, that i was pretty geeked about the whole thing! the seats were soooo comfortable; the electronic controls allowed you to adjust your seat to lay perfectly flat, or any combination of partially reclined, feet included!!! there is an extension at the foot area which makes for quite an enjoyable flight - amazing!!! the television screens are twice the size as those in coach, and the headphones are huge and comfy! for an 8+ hour flight after 8 days of walking through foreign cities, business class seating was ideal!!!

the food was impressive as well - as my friend, nina, commented, this is likely because they restocked in amsterdam, where they provide real food compared to our over-processed "food" here in the states. regardless, we had a 5 course lunch which started with antipasto, soup, salad and rolls, then a full meal (i had new york strip, potatoes and asparagus), followed by dessert (chocolate sundae)! of course there were options for the meals and desserts. kevin had a tenderloin and salmon plate. apple tart and chese/fruit were the other dessert options. the attendants served chocolate chip cookies a few hours later, and then we had our end-of-flight meal. i had a ham & cheese sammie with tomatoes and a cucumber salad while others had chicken & goat cheese salads. YUM!

i'm not sure if i'd ever spring the $$ to pay for a first class international flight, but i would gladly spend all of my accumulated miles to secure one of those awesomely comfy seats :)

homeward bound

2010-04-10T04:36:00.002-04:00

4am is pretty early to wake up. as if this notion isn't obvious, it was reiterated as we zipped through the city streets of prague on our way to the airport at 4:30am, with sidewalks and benches occupied by the party-goer's. at least we got to travel in style - our cabbie was sporting a jetta TDI (late 90's model)!

the flight from czech republic wasn't too bad - i inhaled a complimentary chocolate muffin, in haste, on the plane as i was completely starving. i've had a good breakfast appetite my entire adult life, and now that i am pregnant this appetite is even more severe. i am hungry the moment i awake each morning! in fact, i often find my tummy rumbling when i crawl back into bed after my early am urination breaks.

czech airlines lost our bags. my philosophy when traveling (internationally) is to pack light, take an empty bag for souvenirs, check the dirty laundry on the return flight, and carry on the newly purchased goods. we did just that, and now our bags will be couriered to our house in royal oak at a later time.... hopefully!

corrigan is pretty fancy with his elite status, and was able to get business class tickets for our return flight with his miles. business class flights entitles one to enjoy the privileges that the lounge has to offer as well. so here i sit, in a comfy, oversized red chair, blogging via free internet, having indulged in cheese and breads. yep, i'd say i'm just about ready for the long flight home. can't wait to see my wiggly pup!!!

praha continued....

2010-04-09T08:19:00.010-04:00

at the end of my last blog i was just about to meet up with david eckles, a high school acquaintance, who resides here in prague. he came to our hotel around 5:30, and we promptly headed off to a local pub called u provaznice (or, the rope makers wife). kevin had an enormous leg of pig, and i had a local dish of tenderloin in a heavy cream sauce (gravy-like) with bread dumplings.

this little piggy was in dire need of ice cream after our awesome dinner! so david suggested a place along wenceslas square, and led us to ovocny bar. it's a 2nd floor ice cream place, and truly local (no non-czech language signs, and no tourists in sight, minus us :). it was nice to meet up with dave... i can't say "catch up" because i'm not sure we'd ever truly had a conversation in our lives prior to the emails we exchanged to arrange a meeting during my time in prague. i listened intently as he described how he came to live in prague, and also aspects of that transition, and admittedly i found myself jealous (wish i had traveled/studied abroad during my youth, and had lived abroad as an adult, but i suppose it's never too late...) he seems very much in love with the city, and i can completely understand that!!! here is a pic of us, though it's truly horrible! we really were not that shiny (unless we absorbed all of the pork grease from kev's dinner or something)...

day 3 was pretty spectacular! the weather was GORGEOUS!!! david had recommended that we explore vysehrad (the "old" castle and grounds), which is quite south of the area of the city we had been exploring. so we took the metro there. i saw the most grass i had seen during my entire visit, and the elevation offered excellent views of the city!

the cemetery was truly beautiful as well. we stopped for lunch at a place called penguin's (just outside the perimeter of vysehrad) where i had marinovane kotletky (pork steak with ham and cheese) and potato rosti (small triangles of fried potato - YUM!!!), while kev enjoyed a lunch of crepes and ice cream :-)
we took the train north and then the tram west across the river to explore that area a bit, where we encountered the last water wheel in all of prague (according to our guide book). there was a large grassy park along the river, and the beautiful weather had everyone outside enjoying it. we also crossed a little convoy of horse and buggies, carrying a bride and groom and apparently some of their family :)
we had dinner along wenceslas square at ristorante italiano buschetto. we started with involtini as an appetizer. kev had bruschetta risotto, and i had gnocchi with prosciutto! i topped it all off with THE BEST tiramisu EVER - even better than what i had in rome several years ago!!!! i was in heaven :) afterward we walked to the end of the square to the state opera house, to see the barber of seville. the opera house is opulent and very pretty. the show was great - i really enjoyed the italian singing! we had a box for the first half of the performance, but kevin's view wasn't great, so we moved down to the main floor after the intermission.

today is our last day here :( we visited the museum of communism which was very enlightening. the video footage really struck me and i became quite overwhelmed. it's an interesting history for sure, and it's quite inspiring that the continuous protests of the czech people eventually led to the dissolution of the communist reign and resulted in the liberation of the people. i was also struck that the czech people were so peaceful in their demonstrations, even when celebrating their liberation. the communist rule had turned citizens into watchdogs and traitors of their fellow citizens, and regardless of the turmoil and hardship faced by the nation, no vengeance was sought once liberated. i think this speaks a lot about the integrity and values of the czech people.

once again we had lunch in a city square - klobaska's, beer (for kev) and fanta (for me) :-) cheap and delicious!!! both kevin and i are feeling a bit under the weather today.... he was running a fever all night and has a pretty persistent cough, and i awoke rather congested and groggy. so we're just taking it easy today. kevin is enjoying a book in a comfy chair here in a corner of the second floor of a coffee shop as i blog. we have a 7am flight back to amsterdam in the morning, so we'll probably find a pub for a relaxing dinner, and then turn in early to pack and get a good rest!!

here is a link to the prague album on picasa... enjoy!!!

2010 Prague

i. love. prague.

2010-04-07T10:16:00.008-04:00

stop what you're doing, and get on a plane to prague!!!

the city is beautiful, the food is delicious, and things are pretty darn affordable!!
welcome to praha! (our view when we exited the metro)

our bus and metro tickets combined from the airport to the downtown, for two people, cost the equivalent of $5.50 or so. ridiculous! we had lunch at a cozy little pub in an alley where i enjoyed caprese and bruschetta for about $9 - the tomatoes were fresh and sun-kissed, and everything was truly delicious!!!

the weather was beautiful yesterday - i think high 50's and sunny. we walked northwest from our hotel (u klenotnika) toward the river, crossed the charles bridge, and walked to the castle. below is a picture of the charles bridge, followed by a city scape taken from the castle, as well as a picture taken from a balcony in the castle.

we had dinner at restaurace trilobit, where i enjoyed elk goulash with bread dumpilings and a streudel with vanilla sauce, and kevin a meat and cheese plate and two large dark beers. i'm sticking with water, fanta, or sprite these days :) oh, AND decaf coffee. european coffee is the best. you'll find no large pots of coffee just waiting around for consumption, instead, coffee is made by the cup, and it is purely exquisite!

this morning we opted to take advantage of the complimentary breakfast at our adorable hotel - YUM! eggs, ham/bacon, breads, meat & cheese, pastries,assorted juices and coffee/tea. it was wonderful! then we spent some time touring the jewish quarter. we saw two synagogues and an old cemetery which comprised graves from as early as the 1300's!! old town square is pretty touristy, but the food was excellent! there were various vendors all about the square, and kev and i selected large klobaska (kielbasa) on french baguettes for lunch! they also sell beer, so kevin enjoyed a large cold beer as we sat on a bench in the center of the square (in the shade) and enjoyed our lunch. i followed it up with a chocolate covered banana! the crepes and trdlo were quite tempting, but the banana seemed the healthiest choice :)

we spent the afternoon touring wenceslas square, and found some more local (less touristy) streets to peruse on our way back. we keep buying stuff! the toy stores are truly precious! such an array of little wooden toys, and all so fun and cute - we just keep looking!! we're now at an internet cafe - i'm having a strawberry shake and kevin finished a nice looking beer :) he's gawking at the martini crates and wishes he could get one for himself (martini sponsored racing and apparently they were an unbeatable entity at one time). we're meeting up with a high school acquaintance of mine at 5:30 - he lives here in prague and he's going to take us on off the beaten path for some authentic food and tips! i'm looking forward to talking with him and seeing what he's doing in prague and how he's been!!

oh, and just in case you think i misspelled "trdlo" in a previous paragraph, here is a picture of some - i nearly devoured it! it's so delicious - some sort of pastry dough covered in sugar and almonds, baked and served warm! YUM!!!

amsterdam has been fun, but it's about time to head to prague

2010-04-05T11:31:00.006-04:00

2010 Amsterdam

(double click the pic to access the album online)

saturday and sunday were rainy and cold - both good days to do tours of museums and other indoor activities. i had planned to post pics with this blog, however i brought kevin's phone charger cable instead of the link for my camera, so i will add them another time. check back in a few days for pics :)

we met up with the rest of the corrigan clan (kev's mom & dad, his aunt pat, and cousin, erin) on saturday, and started out with a canal tour. it was a good way to start the sloppy, rainy day. then we toured the palace. the artwork, decor and stories were pretty cool. i was most surprised that the legal entity responsible for orphans was also responsible for children who lost only one parent (in addition to full blown-orphans) - says a lot about their perspective of family values.

we then visited a secret garden fully surrounded by buildings (apartments/flats), somewhere near the used-book flea market area. we toured the city a bit more, and when the new arrivals (corrigan clan) took off for an early bed time, kevin and i spent a bit of time at the coffee shop (where i wrote the previous post), and then had a lovely italian dinner at trattoria caprese. i had a cheesecake nightcap at a restaurant on our walk back to the hotel! the coffee here (and yes, i am drinking decaf) is really fabulous - sincerely something to write home about!!!!!

sunday again was pretty sloppy in the morning, but the rain was less burdensome in the afternoon/evening. we hit the rijksmuseum, had lunch at a lovely corner pub (paying for ketchup makes one acknowledge how significant one's consumption is). we planned to do the van gogh museum, but the line was too intimidating. so we headed to the old heineken brewery for the "heineken experience." the van gogh museum was the last stop of the afternoon - we made it in at about 4pm (after a 40 minute wait, which was much better than the previous lines we had witnessed), and left at about closing time. that van gogh guy painted a heck of a lot in only a decade!

we had dinner at a posh little restaurant, and i had the best risotto ever! i'm totally inspired to perfect a recipe of my own - and i shall!!! our search for a small place to enjoy dessert came up pretty empty, and we ended up at de jaren, next to the NH doelen hotel - it was great! i had an excellent apple tart and again, gloriously delicious decaf coffee!

today (monday) comprised a visit to the keukenhof gardens (way out in rural netherlands), where we saw a huge flower garden, but more green that bloomed flowers (it's just a tad early in the season). kev, erin and i opted to leave after a 2 hour tour, and then we bopped around central and west amsterdam for a bit. i had ice cream twice - both times were wonderful :)

and now i must sign off - erin and kev both want a go at the internet, and we're meeting the rest of our crew for dinner in 15 minutes. again, i'll post pics later! we are off to prague in the morning - i can't wait!!!!!!

the journey to amsterdam

2010-04-03T11:58:00.004-04:00

kev and i were seated in the middle section of the plane, and i was lucky enough to have no one directly beside me :) i watched a movie, had some version of dinner, and then cuddled up for what i had hoped would be a 4 hour nap. unfortunately, some young child was annoyingly awake and vocal THE ENTIRE TIME!!! one small infant slept and we never heard a peep from her. the adorable little guy in front of us was a bit of a monkey, but barely made any noise, and he eventually crashed. but not the little $hit behind us. and i really couldn't believe that the parent(s) let it carry on is they did. i half wondered if they were peacefully asleep amidst the madness. in my pre-peanut days i would have downed a bunch of wine (it's free on international flights - HOLLA!) and passed out, though that wasn't exactly an option this time.

aside from barely getting any sleep, the flight was pretty good. from the airport we took the train to amsterdam central station (3.80 euro each plus a .50 cent charge for using the ticket counter), and then the tram to downtown (2.60 euro each for a one hour pass) and found our hotel. we were lucky enough to be able to check-in early (about noon or so). then we ventured out FOR FOOD!!! found a great little pancake house where we enjoyed omelets (i fought the urge to get delicious crepe-like pancakes doused in sugary goodness). we decided to tour the anne frank house. i found the experience to be both depressing and inspiring. the treatment of jews was abhorrent and intolerable, but the will of the people to live was incredible, and is truly a testament to the strength of the human spirit.
(picture borrowed from wiki)

the city is adorable, the architecture is beautiful, and i love that it's so pedestrian oriented. while there are cars, the city is dominated by trams, buses, bicycles and people on foot. it's a very small city, and overall it's very clean and neat. there doesn't seem to be any crime, other than, perhaps, some bike or car tipping into the canals! everyone is very thin (typical of my other european experiences as well), but the food is very rich and delicious! fries are very popular here - in fact there is one little vendor nestled in an ally amongst restaurants and shops where we saw an impressive line of people, it's called vleminckx sausmeesters! mayo is the topping of choice, and when i got fries at a restaurant i had to pay 50 cents for my ketchup!
(photo borrowed from amsterdamlogue.com)

amsterdam & prague, here i come!!!

2010-03-23T20:21:00.003-04:00

kev and i are heading to europe next week to spend time in amsterdam and prague! he and i stopped at the mall after work today to procure some new walking shoes (we wanted a week or so to wear them in)! i ended up with green and gray puma's. kevin totally envies me and my fabulous style, and decided upon green and white puma's. (i can't say that i blame him, and his shoes are pretty fancy!)

i need to finish my list of things to pack, pick up some currency, and then i'm pretty much ready to go! the plan is to travel light... can't leave home without my macbook, so i'll take a small computer/city bag, and then a carry-on suitcase. the first hotel we stay at (for half of our trip) has a washer/dryer in the basement, so i only need half the clothes!!! awesome :)

our amsterdam plans include enjoying the tulip festival, visiting the anne frank house, cruising on the canals, and exploring the city in general (i'm interested in the markets especially). some of the corrigan clan will be in amsterdam as well (they originally planned the trip), and we will join them for a few days of festivities... marilyn has it all planned out, we just plan to tag along and enjoy!

as for prague, we haven't made solid plans. i have a rick steve's book with plenty of suggestions. for the most part i'm interested in touring the city streets, experiencing the culture, eating whatever type of food is native to prague, and shopping for glass and other locally handmade goods.

YAY!!! 9 days and counting....

oh, how i love jim croce!

2010-03-17T21:26:00.006-04:00

my father and i may not have all that much in common, but i certainly inherited his love for jim croce!!

jim croce was born in 1943 and died at the age of 30 in a plane crash. i listen to his albums rather frequently (ok, sometimes i listen daily!), and i always think of how sad it is that i can't go to a show to see him play live!! i absolutely love his music... he's an excellent guitarist, his voice is exquisite, and his lyrics are always entertaining and/or heart wrenching! he was quite a talented young man. he is, hands down, one of my top 3 favorite artists. (the other two are zeppelin and, i know it's corny, but dashboard confessional hehe)

Jim Croce - I Got A Name

ingrid croce (jim's widow) has created a website dedicated to his music/life - i've read all of the articles that are linked there, some are about the fatal plane crash and others reviews of his performances and songs. of course it includes photos and a discography, similar to most musician sites.

if you're looking for some tunes to add to your music library, i highly recommend picking up an album or two of jim's. while the greatest hits album is very good, i find that some of my favorite songs aren't included on that album, and instead can be found on "you don't mess around with jim," "the very best of," and "words and music."

the piggiest bank

2010-03-15T13:21:00.004-04:00

the piggy that kevin and i painted at date night a few weeks back has been fired and now resides in the "nursery" area of our upstairs reading room :) it's the first formal component of the nursery-to-be!

check out the green tail - i'm sure not 100% in love with the tail... it's shaped like a dog pile, frankly. kevin had suggested pink, perhaps that would have been preferable? i avoided pink to make it more acceptable for a boy (in the event that we have a boy, of course). alas, piggy has a two-tone green tail.

after painting a base color (in this case i left it white, the color of the clay), i always start by painting the face area of the pig... i do the ears, eyes, nostrils, mouth and also the feet :) then i go crazy with the dots! kevin and i did the dots together, tee hee :)

here is a snapshot of "saturn" - saturn evolved from an oops paint dot... i won't say whose oops it was, but i get to claim cleverness for turning it into saturn :) this has inspired an aspiration to pattern my next piggy bank with planets!! anyone have a kid who loves the solar system?

emotional trainwreck

2010-03-07T20:41:00.004-05:00

i was supposed to defend my thesis on friday... oops! :) still plugging away at my last major chapter of re-writes - will defend in april or may (yeah, yeah, you've heard that before). the nicer weather is good motivation to get done so that i can start enjoying my weekends guilt-free!!!!

my nephews are coming to town next weekend (they should get in thursday evening, actually). kev and i have planned lots of good stuff with them, including seeing alice in wonderland in 3D on friday night! i can't hardly wait! i want to go see it NOW!!!!! maybe i should see it just to make sure it won't be too scary for the little guys :)

anyway - it's been a tumultuous weekend... some good progress on the thesis bit only to hit another wall (as if i should expect otherwise!!). of course my tummy keeps growing and i am getting more and more excited about my upcoming wedding and baby! on the other hand, sometimes life creates drama that's difficult to manage, and i'm not sure what to do with it. it's difficult to experience so much joy when others are experiencing so much sadness. i know that all things eventually become manageable, but i haven't reached that enlightened state just yet. just wishing i could heal all of the broken hearts....

luckiest girl ever ;)

2010-02-28T20:00:00.006-05:00

2010 has been a pretty great year thus far, and it's measuring up to be possibly the very bestest year ever!!!!

i found out i was pregnant at the end of january!!! this wasn't exactly planned, but this little peanut who has taken up residence within me is certainly very happily welcome :) i'm not sure that i ever would have felt ready to "try" to get pregnant - there is always the thought of saving more money, taking another trip, paying off bills, finishing the work assignment, finishing one's thesis (haha), etc., etc., etc.. given that i am in an excellent relationship and that i have my shit together (in terms of a job and everything), the timing here, although unplanned, is pretty damn perfect!!! i will admit, however, that this is a pretty overwhelming evolution!

the news did come as quite the shock, however, and kevin suggested taking a second test just to be sure :) two + signs does NOT mean twins :) i'm about 11 weeks along now!! peanut should be here sometime around september 20th, which is kevin's birthday!

in other news, i am officially engaged!!! kevin and i are planning a very small family-only ceremony back in PA sometime this summer. simple and intimate sounds perfect!! oh, and check out the ring!! i provided input and then kev did the rest (with the help of nathan at skyline in troy)!!! i absolutely love it, and i love him, too! *tee hee*

i'd say all of this pretty much makes me the luckiest girl ever!!! the only thing that could make me happier is meeting my deadline to defend my thesis by early may!!!!

guest blog (2) from paris the dawg

2010-02-23T19:13:00.003-05:00

SNOW!!! it's snowing!!! we have so much snow!!! i love snow - i love snow - i love snow!!!! *so many wiggles*

we finally have lots of snow to play in! morning walks are so much more exciting with that fluffy white stuff all around! the sniffing is extra good!! *ruff* today after work that girl took me to the PARK!!! THE PARK!!! she kept saying we would go to the park but she wouldn't stop eating and i thought she was just lying so i snuggled up on my bed and dreamed of playing in the snow instead. finally she woke me up and said it's time for the PAAAAARRRRRK!! YIPPEE!!!! the snow was falling all around and i nearly had to drag her to the park - she's too slow for me when i'm too excited!!!! *woooof*

she kept throwing this plastic red thing - it's awesome! i did some of my best and fanciest running and prancing today, if i do say so myself!! i tore the heck out of that fresh coat of snow!!! SNOW!!!!! she wore me out pretty good! this was one of the bestest puppy days! *pant pant, wiggle*

infinite frustration

2010-02-16T16:44:00.005-05:00

i was pulled over a little over a week ago for expired plates. that citation gave me 14 days to correct the issue. i was frustrated that i wasn't able to renew my plates online. it's possible to do so if you have the pin number included in the document that is mailed by the SOS (secretary of state, for you non-michiganders), alas i did not receive that document. initially i was under the impression that my license, which still contains my previous address, may be the reason. but the more i thought about it, i recalled that the suspension documentation (last spring) arrived here at my proper (new) address. so did my voter's registration card. so i've been toiling with the idea of pleading not guilty to the ticket given that i should have received the documents.

i left work around 3:15 today so that i could go to the SOS, as i expected to wait forever in the inevitable long line. the SOS is clearly a government operation, with hours from 9-5 M-F, except W, which is 11-7. some offices are open 9-12 on saturday's (but not my local office). i'll get to the absurdity of that later. anyway, halfway down woodward ave, a cop came up behind me and started following me. i decided to move over a lane. he followed me. a few seconds later he turned on the lights. i wasn't speeding, it was for expired plates. it is truly hilarious that i got pulled over twice in two weeks for expired plates, and not for speeding or other violations, as i have a habit of blowing through stop signs and going above the speed limit, for i think it's a waste of time to stop and go slow if conditions are clear.

so i show the cop my existing citation, and explain that i'm, ironically, on my way to SOS. he asked if my address was correct, and if i owned the car. so we got into the whole license not being up to date issue. but i told him i should have received something (the updated address tag) once the suspension was mediated. also that the suspension documents and my voter's registration card came to my current address, and hence, i offered, the registration renewal should have came to my new address as well. he explained to me that the SOS sends out renewal notices as "a courtesy," and that they are not required to do so. if documentation gets lost in the mail, it's still the vehicle owner's responsibility to take the old registration document (that clearly indicate the expiration date) to the SOS.

OK. here's where i get really pissed off!! not at the cop - he simply gave me ANOTHER citation and that was a done deal, that was just blissful. i'm pissed off about the government, as usual. i'll summarize my trip to the SOS and then explain my further compounded anger.

i walk in at 3:45 or so. the place is packed. i have to wait in line just to take a number! the line was currently at #84, and my number was 11. so 25 people ahead of me. i asked how much registration renewal is, and i was told it depends on the car. what the hell is that even about? why on earth is one vehicle more costly than another to register? anyway, here were my observations as i waited in line (after having received a number).

-the place is loud and annoying

-cash or check ONLY, no plastic. ARE YOU KIDDING? it's 2010! i suppose they need to employ bean counters - real good use of our tax dollars. what makes it even worse is that if you renew online (as i did last year, when i was lucky enough to receive the renewal notice), you can pay with credit card. so, what gives? MADDENING!

-high school like desks are parked in one spot with rope around it, basically in the middle of the lines and counters, for people taking drivers exams. seriously? schools make all sorts of accommodations for students who have OCD and learning disabilities, etc. etc. for routine testing, yet for a DRIVER's test people of all ability levels are expected to just take a test in the midst of that madness? they could at least move it against a wall to provide some level or privacy/shelter.

-it really was efficient, i have to admit. they moved everyone through quickly. i was out within 30-35 minutes.

i spent only 2-3 minutes at the counter. the woman printed an updated address label for the back of my license and updated my registration - i gave her $147 and i walked away with the tag.

now for my rant.

1. how is it that the government imposes this thing, registration, and yet has no true liability to provide notification or expiration or a renewal reminder, YET, the police officers have a responsibility to ticket for expired plates? vehicle owners can't opt out, they are REQUIRED to register vehicles. furthermore, why can't one do it online even if the renewal documentation isn't received? (granted, in my case this wouldn't have happened because i completely forgot about it). why can't they send electronic email reminders? i just think it's so typical of government - they impose rules and laws and yet all of the liability falls on the citizen. it's crap!!

2. why isn't the SOS expected to operate like an actual business? let's face it, it'd be very difficult for a franchised business (and i say this to separate the argument from the small number of long time mom & pop shops that manage to stay afloat) to succeed if customers had to pay with cash/check ONLY, and if business hours were 9-5, 11-7 W, 9-12 saturday (at some locations), and closed sunday's. remember, you are REQUIRED to go to this place for various transactions, yet it doesn't cater to people who work or have obligations on wednesday's between 5 & 7PM.

3. online services at SOS are completely limited. one can't even renew their address online - one must print a form, fill it out, and mail it in. again, this is bad business and wouldn't be acceptable for a real business. and this just pisses me off to no end... i suspect the reason for this is to preserve jobs that employ people. the government is not expected to run a business that yields profits and satisfies customers. it aims to generate revenue and to keep people in jobs. if they have a deficit they ask for more federal money, raise the cost of services, or raise taxes. whatever. if the auto industry had human beings welding car bodies, aisa would have eaten up ALL vehicle business long ago... we'd never output volumes large enough to compete.

4. and why does the cost of registration depend on the vehicle one owns? what is the point of registration? i thought it was simply to track VIN's, points, and generate revenue for the government.... big brother shit to get people in trouble if they get too many parking tickets and that sort of thing. why in the hell does the cost vary with the vehicle one drives? last year i paid $161, this year it's $147. so i pay less as my vehicle ages? where is the logic in that? it's not insurance!!!

i suppose that's enough complaining for now! though now i HAVE to go to court to fight the second citation. i'm not paying 2 fines at $125 for expired plates - the citation gave me 14 days, the 2nd citation is complete bull shit (today is within the 14 day window). and i only know that it's $125 because the first cop gave me a price list, the second cop did not. GRRR!

place nothing above the verdict of the own mind

2010-02-15T20:10:00.004-05:00

as you may or may not recall from a previous blog of mine, while making a glass plate at the art studio during my 31st birthday celebration, i was informed that creating more than 3 layers of glass was an "exceptionally bad idea." lucky for me my obstinacy prevailed, and i ended up with a lovely 4-layer glass plate :)

i was irritated that the peeps at the art studio considered 4 layers such such a bad idea, for several reasons:
1. we had examples of fused plates that comprised 4 layers
2. 3 layers just seems so lame (kidding!)
3. no one gave an explanation - they simply informed me that it was a bad idea

so all of that in my brain added up to "i'll do what makes sense to me - MEH!" i'm sure dagny would consider this a fine employment of her sentiment "to place nothing - nothing - above the verdict of the own mind." initially i thought it was a bit silly to employ such a badass sentiment to something as measly as making a glass plate. however, i suppose we endanger ourselves most when we gloss over the simplest things in life - when we simply take for granted that someone else is right, just because they said so, because they hold a certain position, etc. our inability to comprehend things can either be your limiting factor, or your opportunity to grow, to live a little, to show yourself that your brain works just fine, and you don't need someone else filling it full of ideas and thoughts on your behalf :)

in closing, i should point out, in fairness, that the 4th layer of glass did create some blobby edges during the fusing process. but i think it gives the plate some character, afterall, a handmade plate can look handmade, right? perhaps this was the reason i was advised against integrating a 4th layer? oh well, wouldn't have stopped me anyway :)

gals guide: shifting gears

2010-02-10T11:56:00.000-05:00

check out my latest post on gals guide!!!

random ramblings 5...

2010-02-04T22:40:00.002-05:00

it's been a crazy and busy few weeks!! i was head deep in thesis writing. my first two chapters are in "good" shape - i have some edits but i'm on to working with chapter 4. chapter 4 is the results and discussion section - i'm re-vamping some combustion analysis calculations to be more appropriate for spark-ignited applications (my lab in grad school was predominantly compression ignition, so i'm learning in hind sight).

had a few bumps in the road. ended up having a few fillings replaced - subsequently experienced progressively increasing pain in my mouth. ended up that i needed a root canal. i grind my teeth a lot and had just replaced my bite guard, so there was initial uncertainty about whether the issue was a bad tooth, a jaw problem (the pain was near my cheek bone, and radiated into my ear and head), or a sinus issue (i am graced with chronic sinus annoyance).

i spent several days/nights in ridiculous pain - couldn't sleep, everything hurt, no meds helped - not even the vicodin that was prescribed to me - it was awful!! my dentist saw me daily for three days - on the third day we had collected enough evidence to prove the need for a root canal. so he dug in to release the pressure, and packed the tooth up. this provided relief, but did not resolve all pain. 5 days later (two days ago) i had part 2 of the root canal. i am finally "bad" pain free. my teeth are pretty sensitive and my jaw is a bit sore/fatigued, but it's perfectly manageable and getting better each day! i absolutely love my dentist - he's excellent and very patient and kind!! but i hope to avoid seeing him again until my next cleaning :)

needless to say all of that drama and trauma threw a wrench into my thesis work. i feel back on schedule (eating/sleeping well) now for the most part, so i'm hoping to pick up the pace this weekend and race to the finish line. chapter 4 will be more work than i had anticipated, but i'm just going to focus and take it one day at a time!!!

got pulled over on my way home from work yesterday. i was befuddled because i was innocent - really - i hadn't been speeding!!!!! i was in rush hour on woodward (stop and go with lights). i handed over my insurance, registration and license... here's an abridged, paraphrased version of how the conversation proceeded:

him: "i pulled you over because your plates are expired."
me: "oh...hmm... that's right, i never received anything in the mail, my registration should have been due in december..... hmmm"
him: "where are you heading?"
me: "home"
him: "where's home?"
me: "a mile or 2 away - royal oak"
him: "how long have you been there?"
me: "about a year"
him: "why does your license still say Pontiac?"
me: "well that's a long story - i had tried to change my address when i first moved to royal oak, but in return i received a letter stating that my license had been suspended. i'd had a speeding ticket that i forgot to pay, but it was a PA license at the time, i had subsequently obtained a MI license, so it hadn't caught up to me until i tried to update my address" *big smile* (for the record, in michigan they don't write the fine on the ticket - you have to "know" to just figure out how much your fine is, and then mail it in with the ticket. the truth is that with my original speeding ticket, i was trying to figure out how to pay it and ended up forgetting about it and losing the ticket - irresponsible i suppose, but not intentionally avoided.)
him: "let me run your information, i'll be back."

i ended up with a citation - i have to update my stuff (registration and license) within 14 days, then it's all good! i've had a lot of run in's with cops since i've moved to michigan; must be a signature of my rebel badass-ness!

pottery nights are too fun! i absolutely love thursday's and hanging with my gal pals!!!! lots of good conversation, wine, food, etc.! we do it every thursday and it just never gets old :) but it's late and i have to get to bed. i've switched my workouts from pilates to yoga, which i am in love with, and i really want to get a friday am workout in even though this effort has proven futile in the past!!!

kudos to kevin

2010-01-20T19:46:00.003-05:00

kevin has quite a knack for finding things on craigslist... and by things i mean good things, very utilitarian things for a fine price. this is probably the best aspect of his "shopper" mentality.

he came home from work yesterday with large steel-framed wooden table in the bed of his truck. while carrying it into the garage he mentioned that "the guy" had another one for sale as well. i'm need of more surface space for my pottery doings, so i was very interested in this table! kev called the guy up, and since the table top had a small gouge, kevin negotiated the price down from $40 to $30! now i have another 30" x 6' of space, and it's sturdy and PERFECT for my new slab roller!!!!

ta da!!!

photo compliments of corrigan, as i am happily perched in my chair and too lazy to take the picture myself hehe

i'm looking forward to trying out the new set up tomorrow during POTTERY NIGHT!!!! ;)

atlas shrugged

2010-01-18T12:24:00.005-05:00

i had intentions of commencing thesis work almost 2 hours ago, but instead decided to finish atlas shrugged - i had less than 50 pages left and it's been gnawing at me (and yes i read slowly - i read and interpret every word - i have totally indulged in this book from front to cover, save 15 pages of galt's announcement to the public)!!! i merely steal time only from myself, but it's my time to steal nonetheless, so what does it really matter? :)

so i finished the book! i'd love to spend all day writing about and divulging my favorite quotes which i captured as a function of time through a series of texts to myself and also in a notebook... but i really MUST get on to that thesis of mine! suffice it to say that atlas shrugged is by far my favorite book. i want to make a screen play for it - you know, as though i don't have enough on my plate right now!!!

i like the way it's written, i subscribe to the underlying principles in the book, and i enjoyed the sensuality of the books as well. i will say, however, that i think the book is a bit too black and white - which is obvious given that it's founded on the principle of objectivism.

in terms of real world application, my offering is that objectivism can (and does) exist, but that it's not natural. hence, relativism must exist within the confines of objectivism, where objectivism is perhaps the ultimate goal. much like the main characters (heroes) of the book gradually came to terms with their contribution to the situation that they abhorred, subsequently uncovering their core values and finding a way to live according to them, we as people learn and grow as a function of time and experiences. it's not rational to expect that every human being can behave in a rational manner at all times, particularly early in one's life. though throughout one's life it becomes easier, as the endeavor of learning oneself and accepting oneself fosters this type of existence.

furthermore, my primary complaint about the book was that the "heroes," though guilty of perpetuating the madness that they hated, were granted immunity, where the "looters" were considered solid offenders, period. i don't know enough about human nature to discern whether some personality types simply determine a persons actions or not, but it seems a bit unrealistic to allow the competent (heroes) time to acknowledge their flaws, but not to allow the incompetent (looters) time to come to terms with their role.

enough of that - now onto my thesis - must email my literature review at the end of the day/night. and she's off....

the spirit of the motor city

2010-01-15T16:24:00.001-05:00

i was inspired this past summer to write a blog about the spirit of the motor city. my boyfriend, kevin, has a hugger orange ’69 camaro with black racing stripes – original carbureted 302 (if mark stielow is reading this he’s surely salivating at the thought of turning this carbureted pile of metal into an LS1-governed beast), 4-speed manual trans, with the gauge pack beneath the dash and the “GM brand of excellence” badges affixed to the seat belts. the car is beautiful, the growl of its V8 is seductive, and the feel of the torque and acceleration are invigorating. it’s a fine reminder of detroit and the american auto industry in its hay day.

kevin and i live in royal oak, and we’d take his camaro up and down woodward once a week or so – i needed my weekly dose of custard from the little place on the southeast corner at 14 mile. america may love the ’69 camaro, but the motor city is obsessed with it! people would wind down their windows to shout things, or would walk up to the car while we sat outside enjoying our custard, and say things such as “i had one of those in high school,” “that’s a beautiful car,” “that’s a ’69, right? that’s my favorite camaro,” “hugger orange, right? that’s the best color,” “what’s that got under the hood, a small block, right?” and on and on and on! coming up on dream cruise time, adults and children alike congregate along woodward – sitting in the grass, on chairs, hanging out in the back of trucks or SUV’s, to gawk at the cars cruising up and down, and they do this just because – the people are cruising just because!

mid-july to late august is a haven for anyone who loves cars, especially good old detroit muscle – it’s one component of the heart and spirit that is the motor city. anyone of any age with any car can pull into a local gas station or parking lot, line their vehicle up amongst the rows of cars that surely already exist, and just talk cars with car enthusiasts. it’s a hobby, it’s a passion, it’s a community with no boundaries, no rules, and no presumptions – just good old-fashion enjoyment of cars with others who have a common interest. it is the spirit of the motor city - how cool is that?

i mentioned that i was initially inspired to write this blog last summer, but it’s now january – so what took me so long? i’ve been at GM for less than two years – i came here straight out of grad school, straight from my happy little bubble which was happy valley tucked neatly within the heart of pennsylvania. i was experiencing inner turmoil over all that the real world is and isn’t – of all that our company and industry is and isn’t. all that i expect and want and can see but can’t yet see a way to attain. in the midst of my angst i couldn’t think of anything except the woodward car-nut community, and that wasn’t enough to complete my blog. but in the height of my angst, i began to see something else as well.

GM was what it was, and is now progressing and has high hopes to get to solid good. i think we’ve all experienced enough and the media has depicted enough that we don’t need to revisit any of it in depth. suffice it to say that things aren’t perfect in every corner of GM, and no one would portray GM’s character as perfect. but aside from what GM isn’t, i want to share my perception of what GM is.
i’ll disclaim that my vision is quite romantic –my romanticizing is not for the sake of defending anything or anyone, but simply serves to acknowledge the “reality” of what we are here, inside of GM, inside of the motor city – the thing that the rest of this country and the cynics just can’t seem to see (and frankly don’t need to). my dreamy perception does not invalidate any acknowledgement of what our report card here at GM looks like – i’m just shedding light on the seldom-seen spirit of the motor city, and what keeps GM’s proverbial motor running – its people.

GM has managed to continue to employ some of the most excellent people i have ever met – both in personality, in expertise, in capability, etc. how can this be possible? during dire times and imperfections in a huge company, how can these types of people persist to exist? it’s really quite simple…. we love what we do – it’s our passion – we are in love with what we touch and what we accomplish. we make cars!!!

stop and think about that for a moment – we make cars.

each morning, millions of people across the planet open the door of a modern vehicle, sit inside, put the key in the ignition, crank it, and the engine starts, flawlessly, every morning, hot or cold, and off one goes to their destination! that entails a series of events such as signals to and from various controllers and components, with timing on the order of milliseconds or less to happen in sync, every time – and it does. the heat or AC kicks on, the radio play or the speakers convey the sounds from an ipod, the windows or sunroof work, every time.

the complexity of the automobile is something that people take for granted. this is a truth which may frustrate people who labor to create these phenomenal machines. As for me, i find this to be greatest compliment of all. an electro-mechanical machine, both aesthetically desirable and physically comfortable yet functional and durable, that is tested and validated to meet a slew of federal and industry regulations for safety, warranty, fuel economy, etc. – a machine so complex that the development cycle from inception of individual components to manufacturing and production of a full vehicle takes nearly 10 years – the fact that all of this is something a user can take for granted is nothing short of a signature of accomplishment!!

that people can complain about a failed pump or a piece of trim falling off or the static in a radio signal – that people have the luxury of focusing on such minute flaws is nothing short of incredible!! we shouldn’t be frustrated that our consumers want more, that their expectations increase as a function of time, for we should acknowledge that we provide this luxury to them!!!! it is by the success of what we do that such superficial complaints become the focus and are made possible. our passion for greatness will keep us striving to meet every one of the consumer’s demands, which will change and evolve as a function of time. the economics with which we serve the ever-evolving expectations of an automobile consumer is now the central focus and our greatest challenge.

our country was founded by courageous and admirable gentleman creating a fresh start in a new world, but that new world was nurtured by the industrialists – the people who made things out of virtually nothing – the people who manipulated their surroundings to produce things both physical (trains) and intangible (electricity) that people could touch and use and with which people improved their standard of living.

we have done and still do our piece of that here at GM. we think up an idea, we work as a team to acknowledge the constraints of regulation and consumer expectations, and we physically bring it all to fruition! we make cars (and trucks), and we love doing it. our passion for doing so is what keeps us moving amidst all of the turmoil of our economy, of our industry, and of our company's journey into the future. we are the spirit of the motor city.

if only i had my own version of stat boy

2010-01-11T21:39:00.002-05:00

recently, while web surfing canine related stuff, i came across something that described the use of apomorphine. i read on and i realized that this, apomorphine, was the stuff the vet gave to paris back when she ate so much that i had to pay a vet to make her vomit. [see http://theworldofallthingsmel.blogspot.com/2008/10/gluttony-gets-you-apple-morphine.html for a refresher]. in my previous blog, however, i referred to this puke-inducing substance as "apple" morphine... LOL!!!! what can i say? i'm from the hills!

if only i had my own version of stat boy (you know, from ESPN's "around the horn" - i recall this from my former television-laden life) to check for grammatical errors...

and the roller coaster is back on track

2010-01-11T21:18:00.002-05:00

so i'm mostly over the drama i experienced this weekend. i spent some time this evening re-sorting my thoughts and developing questions so that i keep on plugging away at my thesis. it's not exactly easy and i am feeling stressed (which i try to avoid), but otherwise things are fine! i once again have momentum and i am going to nurture the hell out of it!! 20 days to january 31st, and counting....

dead weight

2010-01-10T22:45:00.003-05:00

so, i pretty much hate my thesis - you know, the thesis that was rejected by my advisor in early december (for very good reason, admittedly). but, i have come this far (whatever that means) and i need to finish it so that i can just put graduate school behind me. and to that end, i spent most of today sitting in the midst of this.....

i had a reasonably productive weekend. hmm - perhaps i should clarify - i can't claim to have been totally productive as i didn't even shower today (awesomely gross LOL!), but did make progress on that anchor i keep toting around (said thesis) both days this weekend. and i made time to eat well. kev prepared lunch today (lentil soup from last night and a turkey/provolone sandwich with cinnamon danish swirl coffee) and made me take a little break! he's pretty cool that way ;) i even got to snuggle on the couch with him for a bit before resuming my chaos.

most of my tumult, regarding this horrid thing called my thesis, evolves from my dissatisfaction with it and all that it represents. it's taken me nearly 2 years to write it (and i'm not finished yet) - that sucks! and what's worse is that i'm not particularly enthused with my topic, and i feel the need to elaborate on this point, as i do enjoy "combustion" and all that it entails.

the big craze for hydrogen research commenced in 2003 when bush gave his state of the union address, and proposed $1.2 billion in hydrogen/fuel cell funding. while there exists a long trail of hydrogen combustion related research and publications (stemming back to 1823, as far as my investigation concluded), much of it focused on space craft, turbines, and basic ventures to enhance efficiency in ICE's. it really wasn't until bush's address that a "hydrogen economy" became a catch phrase, and that the urgent need to develop a hydrogen fueling infrastructure to one day support hydrogen fuel cells necessitated immediate hydrogen combustion work in passenger cars/transit fleets. the number of publications for hydrogen combustion (not to mention fuel cells) has been as much as 5400+ per year in the mid-late 2000's, compared to 1000+ per year during the 90's and early 2000's, and high hundreds per year in the 80's. you wanna know the kicker? there is a huge need for fundamental experimental data to support fundamental analysis of combustion characteristics of hydrogen in engines. so what does this mean? most of the publications are mediocre at best - and many publications are nearly identical to others, and few to none have been truly scientific in nature enough to survey the literature and contribute something "new." (my thesis work may likely fall into this category, which is what BURNS me - no pun intended).

so what's my point? my research isn't based on an innate need/desire to explain something or to understand something to advance science. it's based on a bunch of political BS that resulted from lobbying. what's worse than that? progress in science is now largely based on political BS. i'm told over and over again that this is how the world works.... ok.... but i don't like it!!! in fact, it's one of the things that turned me off about academia.

i had wanted to be a professor so that i could allocate my energy researching and contributing to whatever i believed in. well, it doesn't always work that way - one can only research something for which money exists to support said research, which can leave researchers selling their souls for whatever funding exists. our federal government being the money whore that it is allocates a huge amount of research dollars to its ploy of the moment, and you have people begging for money just for the sake of doing research, not doing research to serve a higher conviction.

and none of this is meant to invalidate the very good, scientific contributions that many researchers still make and the integrity that is theirs.

mostly i find myself wishing that i could just be a normal person who could simply accept the reality of the situation... that my research isn't profound or even necessarily good, but that a doctoral dissertation is just a requirement that marks the end of a series of gates in an educational activity. but, that's not so easy for me. i spend about 15-20% of my thesis time obsessing about the inadequacy of my work and what that means about me, another 15-20% talking myself down and beating myself into submissions to JUST DO SOMETHING, and then 50-60% of the time working, with the last 10% dedicated to procrastination (facebook, email, etc.). you'd think that this would get old, right?

i'm inching my way toward the finish line - my goal is to have finished version 3 of my entire thesis by the end of january (piece by piece between now and then). if i can manage to tell some type of story that i can live with, and explain it well enough that my advisor decides he and my committee can accept it, then i should defend in early march and graduate in may. i wish i could optimistically draw from some sunny place inside for motivation - instead, the only thing keeping me moving is that i'm eager to bury this dead weight.

p.s. i won't always feel so cynically about this - once i "learn" or put this whole process into perspective, i'll likely acknowledge it as having been the best thing i ever did. for now, however, i'll sulk my way through.

p.h.w.s.

2010-01-07T12:39:00.006-05:00

christmas vacation was pretty sweet - it was nice to spend a little QT with corrigan and our families. the two week + break entailed:
1. a trip to boyne with great friends
2. a cookie baking extravaganza with my girls
3. christmas in seward with the rudnik's
4. a few days in state college with the nephews
5. several days in mayfield, NY with the corrigan clan (and those cute babies!)
6. back to PA to ring in the new year with the rudnik bunch
7. a brief weekend back in royal oak, cleaning, putzing, reading, and potting.

kev and i started the first work week of the new year off on the right foot... waking at 5am to walk the dog, followed by weight lifting for him and pilates for me, showers, breakfast, and a nice early start to the first working day of the new year. now it's thursday - my 4th day back to the daily grind after a most glorious break, and i am exhausted (still trying to adjust to being more active and getting up earlier) and fairly unmotivated (more physically than mentally).

thus far today at work i have accomplished the following:
-email (productive ones)
-phone calls (also productive)
-chasing down custom metric o-rings
-collecting some broken o-rings
-acquiring a fuel pump and storing it away in a cabinet on the secluded 2nd floor
-securing the transfer of tube stock to the advanced machine shop for my cylinder liner fabrication
-yammering (as in, corporate twitter)
-yammering (as in, colleague chatting)
-online data base submissions for engine stuff
-PTAS-ing (don't ask)
-read GM's daily comm letter
-auditorily (please let that be a word) consuming a colleague's clever design for boosted air in my test cell
-learned who my HR peep is and got the goods on what i need to do to teach at wayne
-repeating the action of opening an excel file from an online data base, for each time i click to open a link, and then decide to open a new link from the parent document, the world of excel crashes
-facebooking
-graciously accepted a cookie and a cupcake from the table congratulating a colleague (stranger to me) on her green belt acquisition on my way back from procuring my afternoon coffee (i say this as though it's a habit, though this habit is only 3 days running) - not to worry about the caloric content of those sugary and fatty concoctions, i ate them in lieu of my sandwich.
-suggested a meeting to my committee who has been tasked with determining ways to fix meetings LOL.

yeah, yeah, i know, it's clear that i am drawing out the details of the most menial of tasks in order to feel that i actually accomplished something today. frankly, i'm impressed that i can remember all of those things! i am suffering from p.h.w.s. (post-holiday worthlessness syndrome). can anyone help?

slab-a-roo

2010-01-03T16:42:00.007-05:00

i decided to spend the better part of the final day of my holiday break playing with clay. corrigan gave me a slab roller (amongst other things) for christmas, and i've been aching to try it out!!! enter the slab roller...

i am waiting for slabs to dry as i blog. i've cut the 5 primary slabs required for a rectangular vessel, which shall become either a teapot or a pitcher. i can't decide just yet, but i'll figure it out. making pottery is one of the most unstructured aspects of my life. i may sketch ideas out or have something in mind before creating, but i never hold myself to an idea fully, and many times i just pick up the clay and go!

earlier today i made two cylindrical vessels, which also started out with some slabbing. below i shall share the step-by-step utilization of my fancy new slab roller, for your viewing pleasure...

i decided to add some texture with a pattern of white slip. first i layered plastic mesh (from boxes of clementines):

here comes the layer of slip:

sadly this one didn't turn out as well as i had wished - i didn't press the mesh into the clay before painting on the slip, hence it ran quite a bit. the second vessel comprised a slab of white clay... i pressed the mesh firmly into it, and then painted brown slip - this turned out much better. my camera's battery pooped out, so i have no pics to share at this time... stay tuned!!!

p.s. thanks, corrigan ;)

we are....

2009-12-27T20:49:00.003-05:00

... PENN STATE!!!!!

"this american life" is one of my favorite programs on NPR. i get the podcast and most often listen to it while driving or cooking. i listened to the episode "#1 party school" this morning while driving from penn state to new york. here is a link to the episode online:

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=396

i found myself overwhelmed with joy and pride, romanticizing about my past social experiences as a student at penn state... i experienced this despite acknowledging accounts of the not-so-pretty truths revealed about binge drinking. i'm not insensitive to the "bad" things that happen when young kids get crazy drunk and make big mistakes, but as someone who went through the same things along with my friends, and survived unscathed, i can't help but perceive that concerns regarding binge drinking have a lot more to do with a small portion of individuals than the act itself and find myself subscribing to the "hate the player, not the game" mentality.

more than anything, i felt myself identifying with the huge community of penn staters that exists across the world. it's easy to fall in love with penn state - the town, the spirit, the tailgating, the campus, the shops, the food, and bars... it's just a great place, hence the name "happy valley."

the holiday spirit

2009-12-26T14:08:00.002-05:00

sooo lazy! that's the holiday spirit! it's nice to have no deadlines, no work to do - just fun and time with family!!! kev and i are getting ready to take my nephews to paint pottery. for now we're just hanging out at irving's in state college. i love penn state this time of year - it's nearly deserted and it's sort of as though i have the town to myself!!!!

hope everyone is enjoying post-christmas (or other holiday) celebrations... have a good weekend!

green keens

2009-12-18T16:25:00.003-05:00

i bought dark blue, boiled wool keens last year in state college over the holidays. they started to come apart at the seams recently, so i inquired with keen who verified a warranty and allowed me to select a new pair. they also requested 2 alternate selections in case size/style were out of stock.

my favorite stupid human trick is dancing and singing (on-the-fly made up tunes and lyrics) for my dog. i can't recall the exact lyrics that i divulged spontaneously while opening the box that arrived from keen today, but it went something like:

ooh ooh

i think this is a shoe box waiting for me
to replace my blue boiled wool pair of keens
oh oh, what could it be,
one of my selected new three pairs of keens

i wonder which one of the three it could be
there was a yellow and an orange and a pair that was green
could be any one of the three indeed
but if i'm really lucky it will happen to be

green keens
green keens green keens
green keens
green keeeeeens

and then i was rudely interrupted by kevin's phone call... thanks to him we'll never realize the genius that was ready to evolve.... UGH!!!

see that jack white - i could totally rock that shit too if only i could play guitar, and if anyone other than my dog could bare to listen to me sing!!

an exceptionally bad idea...

2009-12-17T22:11:00.007-05:00

i recently celebrated my 31st birthday. corrigan took me out to mccormick and schmick for a birthday dinner, and the following day made an awesome birthday brunch for myself and my gal pals to kick off our day of celebratory crafting!!!!

we spent some time making holiday crafts in my basement, and then headed to the creative arts studio downtown for some glass fusing/slumping. though technically glass "fusing" is the act of heating the glass concoction in a kiln until it melts to various degrees, and slumping is the act of subsequently placing that new glass "piece" over a mold, and heating it enough until it melts and takes the shape of said mold. we simply created our pieces to be fused/slumped, all the while enjoying a variety of snacks.

i ended up with a black base (piece of glass) - and in order to create the effect that i wanted, i needed a total of 4 layers (base plus 3 pieces stacked on top). i wasn't sure if 4 or 5 was the threshold, so i asked "dude" at the art studio. he went off to ask a co-worker who teaches the glass slumping class. upon his return, he proclaimed that "4 layers is an exceptionally bad idea." i was like, um, what? in my obstinacy i immediately dismissed his sentiment (and his co-worker's) as i recalled from the class that the limit was at least 4 layers. then meg and lo checked their pictures of glass creations being used for inspiration, pieces which clearly included 4 layers in some places. so we all decided that 4 was an excellent idea. i even gave him the chance to redeem himself - i asked if the "base" counted as a layer - he confirmed, hence further decaying his credibility. my girls and i went on with my exceptionally bad idea and we're thinking they'll turn out just fine!!

this is what i came up with - kevin thinks it looks 80's - i was just going for something obnoxiously abstract.

after spending nearly 4 hours playing with glass, kevin picked us up (he was taxi driver and chef all in the same day!!!) and we finally enjoyed the fabulous cake that nina so graciously made for the event! she's an excellent baker - tasty and aesthetically pleasing!!!! jess made home made gelato to accompany the cake! (likely inspired by our many excursions for gelato while in italy hehe) :-)

a few of us got together this evening for pottery night, as usual. i was glazing my remaining pieces before the firing i plan to have this weekend, when i began to shake a jar of glaze, only to find that the lid wasn't on. it splattered EVERYWHERE!!! paris got it in the face! luckily jess ran to her rescue because i stood there completely dumbfounded - it was all over me, all over everything!!! H-I-L-arious!!! what a friggin mess!!! that gave us quite a laugh... an extended laugh :) only been 31 for a week and i'm already feeble-minded.

anyway, other than that, paris peed on the stairs - she's five and a half years old, so this is not a normal occurrence - poor thing!! she gets sort of neglected on pottery nights - no walks or anything usually - guess i assumed that kev let her out as usual when he's home before band, and he probably thought i'd let her out hehe.

crossing the threshold to adult hood

2009-12-09T22:34:00.004-05:00

last year i became a 30 year old - i wasn't particularly worried about it, and frankly was happy that i might gain some clout being 30 as a lot of people guess that i am much younger than my true biological age. but becoming a 31-year-old... well, that's different!

i wouldn't say that i've "worried" necessarily, but i'm officially in my thirties now... it's like "real adult" or something haha :) i'm no longer just out of my twenties - i am a thirty-something. interesting!

corrigan was very sweet and ordered me a butter-cream frosted cake for the occasion (a day early since i flew to state college today). he also spoiled me with count chocula cereal (a few boxes), a collapsible german tote bag which i am eager to use at the grocery store/farmer's market, an engine stethoscope (you know, since i'm almost an official engine doctor), and a book! i feel like i'm forgetting something....

i worked until noon today and then headed to the airport to fly to penn state. i am here with some recruiting-type folks from GM to enhance relations with some research labs at PSU. i'm the technical representative, and am looking forward to discussing battery and engine technologies! i was able to quickly visit with my sister and her little clan, as well as two of my grad school buddies (mere and caroline) before my 7pm dinner. looking forward to a 7:30am breakfast meeting, and a good night's sleep (as i am still fighting a stupid sinus infection). tomorrow is jam packed with meetings, and then i fly back to detroit at 6:15am on friday.

birthday wish #1 - get healthy!!!
birthday wish #2 - finish thesis!!!
birthday wish #3 - i'm not telling :)

kev's blog was quoted :)

2009-12-02T22:52:00.003-05:00

kev wrote a blog about riding in the volt with me back when i brought an IVER home. he held on to it for a while before posting it as we wanted to give the media folks a chance to review things before he shared his perspective. lyle (from gm-volt.com) came across it and quoted kev's blog! check it out! i think kev might have a future reviewing vehicles :)

adios, fritz

2009-12-02T13:02:00.002-05:00

from a political standpoint i feel that i ought to refrain from saying this, but i don't care much about politics so here goes nothing. i'm not impressed by ed whitacre. i wasn't impressed by his pontificating and i found this morning' employee broadcast rather condescending. don't tell me that you have a big plan that's different in direction without telling me what your plan is. i'm not interested in more politics or in being manipulated. nor am i impressed by slow, repetitive talking. nor am i impressed by being reminded that he doesn't know the auto industry (or manufacturing in some realm). i'm not impressed by an aim to sell more cars in a market where volumes are significantly stifled. if one can't stay the course profitably when market volumes are low, then one has large, detrimental problems. nothing is more maddening than one claiming a capitalist view (profitability) while harboring an unrealistic premise (that one can force the existing market to pick up in this rough economic atmosphere). i comprehend the volume constraints from a manufacturing perspective. but let's face it - if one's business model doesn't allow them to absorb fluctuations in consumer demand, then one's business is not sustainable.

i don't want to be disrespectful, and i acknowledge that i know very little about business, i just find myself peeved in a manner parallel with the existing government in our country. i'll write a follow-up blog about government. suffice it to say for now that it burns me that solid objectives are rarely outlined, and that efforts to meet whatever objectives exist are rarely effective. i have no stomach for anything "political." my definition of "political" is "crap." evaluating definitions on the web, i suppose it's not a bad guess....

Definitions of political on the Web: (compliments of "define: political" on google)

involving or characteristic of politics or parties or politicians; "calling a meeting is a political act in itself"- Daniel Goleman; "political ...
of or relating to your views about social relationships involving authority or power; "political opinions"
of or relating to the profession of governing; "political career"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

"Political" is a word to do with the law its also... a song by Spirit of the West. One of the band's most famous songs, it originally appeared on the 1988 album [[Labour Day (album)|Labour Day. The song was written by John Mann.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_(song)

Politics is the process by which groups of people make decisions. The term is generally applied to behaviour within civil governments, but ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political

concerning or related to politics, the art and process of governing; concerning a polity or its administrative components; motivated, especially ...
en.wiktionary.org/wiki/political

politics - the study of government of states and other political units
politics - the opinion you hold with respect to political questions
politics - the activities and affairs involved in managing a state or a government; "unemployment dominated the politics of the inter-war years"; "government agencies multiplied beyond the control of representative politics"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

politically - with regard to government; "politically organized units"
wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

Politics is Sébastien Tellier's second album, released in 2004. It features prominent drumming provided by Tony Allen. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_(album)

Politics - The first season of the television series Stargate SG-1 commenced airing in the United States on July 27, 1997, concluded on March 6, 1998, and ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_(Stargate_SG-1)

Politics is an essay written by Ralph Waldo Emerson. It is part of his Essays: Second Series, published in 1844. A premier philosopher, poet and leader of American transcendentalism, he used this essay to belie his feelings on government, specifically American government. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_(essay)

Politics - "Politics" is a song written and recorded by American rock band Korn and The Matrix for Korn's seventh studio album, See You on the Other Side. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_(song)

Politics - "Politics" is a poem by William Butler Yeats written on May 24, 1938. It was written during the time of the Spanish Civil War as well as during the pre-war period of Adolf Hitler's Third Reich in Germany . ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Politics_(poem)

what's important: blog transplant_2

2009-11-23T19:13:00.002-05:00

from my myspace blog archive... may 20, 2008

i'm not certain how much i actually "know" about life, except that all i DO know doesn't even register compared to all that i've yet to discover… AND that i believe all "knowledge" to be absolutely relative; but i have experienced many changes in the past year and am feeling liberated with my new perspectives about myself and my happiness.

i sometimes find myself stuck in a sea of clichés as i re-evaluate my insignificant position within the universe, trying to decide where i stand, where to go, how to handle various situations. conversations with friends, words from books and song lyrics are all laced with little clichés about life, love, friendships: be good to yourself, pick your battles, live and learn, don't sweat the small stuff, find peace within yourself, learn to let go, etc. you know what i've decided? these clichés are really good pieces of advice! how come i've been unable to employ such tools to my benefit up until now?

moving through life is an interesting thing. the way we learn, grow, change, regress… perspectives and advice are all relative. words that i spoke or interpreted several years ago (hell, several WEEKS ago) meant something so different than they do right now. something i have grown to embrace tightly is this notion of rolling with the universe. i know it sounds all hippy-ish and everything, but i think it's very important. fighting the current in an ocean will gain you nothing but immense exhaustion, right? so it's only sensible that the same rule should apply to the energies so intangible, or so i am convinced.

i am not 100% effective at invoking this newly-grasped perspective, but i'm becoming much better at doing so! i have grown to accept that i know nothing, that i don't know where i am going, that i rarely know what i want or what i need, and yet i somehow i feel better than i ever have! and none of this is to say that i've lost ambition, or that i've become less discipline. it's just that i've learned to take care of me – spiritually and holistically. i've learned to see myself for what i am, and listen to what i need, on a case-by-case basis, without the implication of imposing insane expectations generated by society and my so-called "self." change is inevitable, so why do we often fight so hard to stay exactly who and where we are? i've learned to appreciate all of the good around me at a given moment, and to extricate all that is tugging on me in an attempt to weigh me down. i feel like i've found the secret ingredient to happiness… and it's soooooo nice.

the eventful follow-up to the uneventful event

2009-11-21T19:55:00.003-05:00

my advisor advised me that i'm not ready to defend - my thesis needs more work. perhaps this is why submitting my thesis last monday felt uneventful... perhaps i knew that it sucked LOL!!!! that would also explain the dream i had friday morning where i was defending and couldn't establish a true conclusion to anything that i presented - LOL!!!

i spent most of friday brooding and feeling insanely pissed off - had i been at home i likely would have broken something. being at work was bittersweet - it provided good distractions as i had a busy and productive work day, yet i wasn't at liberty to just take 20 minutes to hit something, scream and cry my head off and get over it!!! i was SO PISSED.... at myself, at my advisor, at myself... after a much needed date night to clear my head and a good night's sleep, i finally came to my senses and developed a strategy.

first i requested that my advisor and i devise a plan together so that i can defend in january. this basically means that he'll need to respond to my questions/re-writes with edits/comments/guidance in a timely fashion, and i'll have to work my ass off through december. advisor is a busy guy and naturally has other priorities, but the lag in feedback has been very stifling for me throughout the past 6 months or so. if i didn't need his input i wouldn't ask for it, and i'd be finished already with a mediocre work of crap. i'm not trying to blame him, i'm simply admitting that i need his help in order to produce top notch work! that's hard for me to admit by the way - i'm typically very independent when it comes to learning and completing assignments and especially writing - but having a full time job and a non-student life is very distracting in terms of staying mentally focused on the intricacies and development of my thesis topic, hence i need guidance.

second - i spent several hours today reviewing his input on "complete" thesis draft #1. then i read the thesis myself for further evaluation and created a task list so that i can go crazy tomorrow and be uber productive!! i have a few lingering questions that i am evaluating on my brain's secondary processor - doing this usually helps me to dream about stuff and allows me to wake up with answers and ideas! sick, i know, but it's helpful!!!

and with that, gonna review a few more "thesis" things, hang out with kev for a bit, and get a good night's sleep.

an uneventful event

2009-11-17T19:00:00.003-05:00

i submitted to my advisor yesterday the full draft of my phd thesis - FINALLY! it's basically complete - i just have to finish formatting the stuff that got all screwed up when i merged all of the chapters together, and then address any edits that said advisor throws my way. exciting, right? well, not exactly...

i think that i felt about 22 milliseconds of elation last night as i was getting into bed... was this elation really about having divulged all that my little brain could conceive of regarding the role of hydrogen and swirl on the characteristics of natural gas combustion into about 60 pages and hitting the "send" button, or was it more a function of simply going to bed? the world may never know!

i'm not sure why i feel so neutral, exactly. i mean, given that i'm not "officially" done i suppose there isn't any true reason to feel excited anyway.

anyhoo - i'm exhausted and have to get to work by 6:30am, so i'm gonna call it an early night, and hang out with dagny until i fall asleep. and yes, i am STILL reading atlas shrugged - i am absolutely in love with that book!!! i am intrigued by the poetry of the words compiled exquisitely and exchanged in fervent dialogue. i write about it and quote it and just simply LOVE the book. i really don't WANT to finish it at all haha :) i just want to read it forever... you know, sort of how i spent forever writing my thesis!

longing for blogging

2009-11-11T19:43:00.004-05:00

i don't have much to say exactly, i am simply experiencing blog withdrawal and it makes me sad!

things are good - i'm busy and tired and truly finally almost through with my damn thesis! WOO HOO!!!!! i had an excellent time last weekend in the chesapeake bay with corrigan, bridget and some other grad school buddies. miss becky was a gorgeous bride and her hubby joe totally gets my vote!! i hope they are enjoying their honeymoon!!

here are some pics from the lovely weekend :)

2009 Miss Becky's Wedding

i fired the kiln this week - glaze firing - YAY!!!! it went well! there is something peculiar about the white clay - the glaze sometimes cracks off - i don't get it. it's supposed to be cone 6, so it shouldn't be that the glaze is over-fired with pores too small to accept the glaze. it's a conundrum!!! but a lot of the pieces turned out well and i am looking forward to creating new things tomorrow!!!!!

today has been absolutely exhausting. i'll never wear a skirt to work again. paris was a complete clown playing in the leaves at the park. oh and she was groomed yesterday and smells sooo pretty!!! it's 8pm and i am 27.3 minutes away from falling asleep... over.and.out. :)

work is awesome: blog transplant_1

2009-11-04T19:02:00.002-05:00

the inception of my blogging experience occurred on myspace. i've decided to transplant those blogs here...

from june 12, 2008

so.... i was standing in the back garage, which houses a thermal chamber for battery testing, a battery cycler, and three vehicle hoists. myself and 2 vehicles were sort of chilling in the partially-lit garage, appreciating the quiescence when i decided to close the garage door through which i had just drove to position my car on its hoist. i approached the control box, placed my right pointer finger on the "close" button, and leaned into it with the weight of my body. facing the wall, with the noise of the door inching toward the floor, i stretched my left arm up and then down to my side (much like the way a small child might mock the rising and setting of the gaseous star known as the sun), and in my best viking voice bellowed GLOOOOOOOOORIOOOUUUUS! it was at that moment, while nearly laughing my ass off at the absurdity of my antic and feeling pleased that no other soul had witnessed the ridiculous display, that i decided i work in the best place on earth!

a mishmash of fall goodness :)

2009-11-02T20:28:00.002-05:00

the past week was insanely busy, but very good :) i fired my kiln, baked pumpkins (and subsequently pumpkin rolls), went to indiana for a wedding... here are a few pics from my adventures :)

paris the dog on a happy fall day :)

From 2009 November

my flat tire

From 2009 November

the ford GT that i saw one morning, in the heritage colors - NICE!!!

From 2009 November

paris fell in love very quickly with her new puppy bed!!! you know, given that she's nearly a senior i figured it was time to upgrade to something extra cushy!

From 2009 November

3 pie pumpkins before baking... i LOVE to remove the guts and the seeds... the seeds feel all slimely and smooth - and the overall scent of pumpkin is absolutely delicious! LOVE playing with pumpkins :)

From 2009 November

prepping pumpkin seeds for roasting - i did this batch with olive oil, cajun powder, crushed red pepper, and a touch of garlic powder!

From 2009 November

pumpkins after having been baked! i was pretty much able to just remove the shell from the flesh... i pureed it all and used about 1/3 of it to bake pumkin rolls. the rest will be consumed in a few weeks when i make pumpkin gobs and also pumpkin soup (if i have enough)!!

From 2009 November

some of the bisque ware from sunday's firing - i glazed some of the pieces thursday evening... the girls and i decided that we'll make test pieces for all of the new glazes i bought (7 new!!) and then proceed with glazing the rest of our lot!

From 2009 November

and the little pumpkins that i bought last year from the pottery shop in downtown pontiac... apparently the clay body was a cone lower than what i fire to, because they MELTED LOL :) oh well - they actually look pretty cool, regardless :)

From 2009 November

kevin and i at his cousin's wedding in indianapolis, indiana

From 2009 November

i think that about does it :) this is another busy week and i'll cap it off with a weekend in baltimore for the wedding of one of my bestest grad school gal pals! very much looking forward to meeting up with some of the GREATT crew, and also that crazy groom :)

infatuation

2009-10-25T19:35:00.010-04:00

every year when the leaves turn colors and start to fall, and the air becomes cooler and smells the part, i get all gushy. i just LOVE the fall weather! i'm 30 - so i've experienced this a lot, this incessant adoration with the dancing of colored chlorophyll deprived leaves and undying urge to bake desserts comprising apples and pumpkins!!! i simply never tire of my most favorite season: autumn :-)

today was the absolute most perfect autumn day!! it was sunny and gorgeous - ground covered in a multi-colored array of leaves - temperature was perfect (hat, vest, and fingerless glove weather)!! i took paris to the park to chase squirrels where she had quite the romp!! sadly she caught nothing, but enjoyed herself thoroughly :)

i was firing pottery today, and even though i have a fair ventilation system hooked up along with a box fan in the basement window and a sheet covering the doorway to the upstairs, kevin and i decided it was best to stay outside as much as possible. a lot of inorganics, other toxins, and CO evolve during firing - it's best to not take chances. so while kevin worked on his car i played outside with the dog, and did some other fall-friendly things, such as carving a pumpkin!

kevin did the nose - i think it's the very bestest pumpkin feature of all LOL :)

i was happily seduced by the fragrance emanating from within the pumpkin as i removed its guts and seeds into a baking dish nearby and decided to roast the pumpkin seeds! so i separated the seeds from the fibers and then seasoned the seeds with olive oil, garlic, and a bit of salt and roasted them to delicious perfection!

have i mentioned that i loved the fall?? the colors, the smells, the textures... LOVE IT!!! i gathered up a bunch of leaves last week and rolled out slabs of clay over the leaves to make a few things - hopefully they turned out nicely in today's firing (i'll find out tomorrow)!!!

kev and i along with a few friends went to blake's cider mill yesterday with big plans for eating, going on a hayride, tricycle races, a visit to the petting zoo, etc. upon arriving we did the most important thing first - we ate! cinnamon donuts, hot apple cider, apple pie... YUM!!! as we sat down to eat our delectable cider-mill goodies, the rain began. 40 degrees and rainy isn't a combo particularly accommodating for frolicking outside, so we conceded to hit up the store and then head home. 4 gallons of cider, a 1/2 peck of tart apples, a 1/2 dozen cinnamon donuts, 3 pie pumpkins and 1 large carving pumpkin later, along with a hot pretzel and apple fritter and a hot cider for the road, we were on our way back to the RO.

looking forward to making pumpkin rolls and apple pies this week - YAY!!!! have i mentioned that i simply LOVE this season???

it's so cool to work for GM!!

2009-10-23T13:15:00.005-04:00

yeah, yeah, i know it's not particularly "vogue" these days to work for GM, what with all of the negative publicity and government loans keeping us afloat, etc. but you know what? i think it's awesome to be a part of this company!!! and here's why!!!

1. it's challenging! GM as a company has a lot of work to do in order to become viable, and i like that i get to be a part of the force that can work to change things for the better

2. there are SO many awesome people here!!

3. cars are pretty damn cool, and it's really fun to work on vehicles and vehicle components!

4. we get to play with cars at work!!

this blog will focus on item #4 as i drove a few cars this morning - all a part of the 2010 line-up!

allow me to note for the record that after owning a '97 chevy cavalier for 4 years, i was not particularly happy with GM products. that car became a money pit when it hit 70K miles. and that's been one of GM's problems for decades - experiences with poor quality resounding and preventing people from buying GM again.

my next car was a VW jetta TDI (i TOTES miss my diesel)... i traded my jetta after 4 years to lease a saab, and the only reason i went with saab is because i was interning with GM at the time (summer 2006). but i liked it!! it was my first 5-speed, and that little 2.0 turbo-charged engine was awesome - i fell in love with it! hence i am currently leasing my 2nd saab!!! though saab is not longer a GM company, it was when i leased it. and i've had nice experiences with both of my saab's (even though i prefer the performance of the 2005 saab to my 2008 as the 5-speed trans in the 2005 was better integrated than the 6-speed in my 2008).

back to the cars from today. here's what i drove (in the pouring down rain):
-cadillac CTS wagon
-cadillac SRX
-chevy camaro V6, auto
-chevy camaro V6, manual
-chevy camaro V8, manual (totally changed my life!!!)
-chevy equinox V6

i really wanted to drive the buick lacrosse, but there was quite a line for it. and i spent about 2 hours there to drive the aforementioned cars, so i decided to call it a day and get back to the office. but the lacrosse really looked great!!!

oh, and a note that these cadillac's all compete with the lexus, mercedes, BMW, VW of their classes.

i have to admit that i was really impressed!!! here is my list of pros:

- great looking cars - seriously impressive!!!! i LOVE the new cadillac and chevy styling... it makes me proud to work for GM!!!

-very nice quality

-comfortable

-good visibility (even in the camaro)

-nice handling and braking

-clearly the cadillac's are superior to the chevy as they are higher class (more expensive) vehicles.

-quiet shifts (with the automatic trans)

-the sunroof in the cadillac's are nothing short of spectacular!!

-the cadillac's are VERY quiet (even with the rain and bumpy roads)!!

-very nice interiors (especially the cadillac's - and that of the camaro is VERY cool!) the CTS wagon interior is UBER nice, so much so that it feels a bit too old for me - it turned me off a little (personally, as i prefer clean but simple) - i wanted something a bit younger. guess i'm just not that fancy LOL!!!

-the V8 camaro sounds SOOOOO badass!!! it just growls like a muscle car - you HAVE to love it - if you like sports cars at all, the camaro is a really fun drive!! the V6 manual is plenty of car! and the V8... NOTHING (in this price range) sounds as good as a V8!!

-economical pricing for the chevy's - that V8 camaro starts at $30K. that's a lot of car for that price!!!

-the camaro with the V6 automatic trans had very nice drivability even though it was automatic - i was impressed (i'm not a fan of automatic transmissions when it comes to feel and performance)

i have only 2 cons.
-i am not a fan, in general, of drivability of automatic transmissions, so naturally i was disappointed with the CTS wagon. wish i could have driven a manual so that i could give a more fair review (based on what i would buy). it's hard for me to tell whether the consumer who would buy an automatic trans would have been happy. as for the SRX and the equinox, they were better with nice launch and ability pick up when you hammer it (WOT).

-while the equinox is a very nice car with great quality (feel, fit & finish) and value (cost), i thought that the HVAC and stereo controls were too far away - i had to reach to play with the buttons.

i'm really unsure what my next car will be (lease is up in 2 years, so i have some time) - the truth is that i really want a diesel. diesel aside, if i had to choose right now, i'd probably go with the camaro or the CTS wagon (assuming i could get a manual trans). although, the CTS wagon is a bit out of my price range. so i guess i'd have to get the camaro!! :-) but i can only manage a V6 - i'd totally end up getting arrested if i drove that V8 every day!!!

if you haven't driven a chevy, cadillac, buick or GMC vehicle lately, i really challenge you to get out there and do so! just stop at the dealer and give one a try!! if you love it then let me know!! and if you don't love it, or if you're disappointed, let me know and tell me why! i really think you'll be impressed!

for the love of my canine

2009-10-22T21:57:00.009-04:00

i am the proud puppy momma of a black labrador named paris (paris like the city, not the heiress). she became a part of my family when she was only 8 weeks old, she swam the very next day (not gracefully, but effectively), and i've managed to keep her alive ever since!

over the years quite a few "pet names" (pun intended) have evolved for her :-) thought i'd take a minute to share them with you. drum roll please... (and NO laughing!!!) tee hee :)

-piggy poo
-miss puppy
-puppy girl
-paris the DAWG
-little miss piggy
-pup-a-lup-agus
-pup-a-rooski
-miss wiggles
-the wiggliest puppy there ever was
-pup-a-lup-a-ding-dong
-tubbo (this is actually kevin's doing)
-pisser
-miss pisser
-miss paris
-mi pequeno perrita (o perrita)
-pupster
-the piggiest puppy
-fatso
-poopstick
-snup-a-lup-agus
-pitiful puppy girl

and last but not infrequently employed:
-you little shit

anyhoo - i love my damn dog!! there's nothing like the love you get from your pup!!!!

you should see my bacon grease!!

2009-10-21T15:18:00.005-04:00

it's a well-known fact to many that i love bacon. LOVE bacon! suffering fatigue while golfing in hot weather spurred the inception of this love for fatty pig meat. once upon a time i had realized the implications of a fast metabolism one semester in graduate school as i had no ability to make it from my 8am class to my lab without stopping during my trek across campus to dig in to my lunch. hence i switched from a breakfast of cereal to egg and cheese sandwiches. but my new egg+cheese sandwich for breakfast and subsequent snacking on the course just couldn't keep me going while golfing.

my nutritionist suggested bacon... she said "just eat a half pound of bacon before you golf." so i did. along with a high protein shake. that in conjunction with snickers, cheetos, and plenty of hydration on the golf course FINALLY got me back to good! i was able to finish a round of 18 without nearly passing out!

when i moved to michigan after grad school, i found that i needed even MORE morning sustenance than an egg sandwich (likely due to getting up much earlier + the AM dog walks)... so i added bacon to my breakfast of an egg and cheese sandwich. but not just any bacon.... i started out with nitrate free bacon, and since reading and learning more about nutrition i have switched to free-range, all natural bacon!

some of my old pals from the volt were picking on me for eating "all natural, free range" animal products - they think i'm an earth loving hippie LOL. i am respectful of nature and of animals, and i do support treating animals as the living breathing animals they are by providing freedom to roam and to and enjoy life before we eat them. but a huge motivation for me to eat the free range/all natural stuff is health.

the composition of fats in these animals compared to those raised by traditional farming practices (grain fed, barned-up) is significantly different. not only can our bodies use the fats from free-range/grass-fed animals more efficiently, but it's healthier for us, AND it does not create inflammation (as the "other" animal fats do). inflammation facilitates cancer's ability to develop and sustain networks of blood vessels to feed itself (hence, become tumors and grow larger and larger). SO - it's all around just good!! plus i buy local (farmers market and sometimes wholefoods if i miss the market due to travel). it is more expensive, but i make my monthly food budget a higher priority than other things (such as eating out for dinner or lunch, cable television, etc.), so the difference all comes out in the wash.

anyway - you should see my bacon grease.... ta da!!!

it's all liquidy!!!! NOT a solid mass! i always debate just dumping it down the drain instead of containing it and trashing it, but i don't want to take chances. normal bacon grease is NOT liquidy - it cools to a solid clump of goo. what's your bacon grease look like?

can you handle the most awesome lameness?

2009-10-19T21:00:00.004-04:00

now that kevin has graduated from treatment and no longer has a 6-7 pm bedtime three nights per week, we can do all kinds of things together, such as:

-raking leaves
-walking the dog
-taking the dog to the park
-playing scrabble at the table (instead of in bed) while serenaded by the beatles compliments of kevin's itunes
-sitting side by side on the couch (instead of in bed) on our laptops
-listening to NPR while eating dinner at the table
-drinking sleepy time tea on the couch (instead of in bed), armed with our macs
-folding laundry at 8pm
- .... uh ... hmmmm..... yep - that's about it - out of activities hehe

i suppose we have new ways of being lame, hehe, but allow me to let you in on a little secret.... i think it's AWESOME!!! it's so nice to be happy and to find joy in the smallest, most uneventful things!! just pal-ing around with my most favorite person is pretty cool. tee hee :-)

a guest blog, from paris the dog...

2009-10-14T19:38:00.003-04:00

hi! *wag wag wag*

that girl said i can use her mac!! *woof*

had the bestest time at the park tonight! *so many wiggles* there were other dogs which means other humans. i was off doing my best and most fanciest squirrel chasing, but do you think anyone was paying attention to little old me? NO!!! that chatterbox girl was quite preoccupied in conversation with the humans. so i did what any self-respecting dog would do... i did something to get that girls' attention!!! *wiggle wiggle*

i sniffed out a glorious bunny carcass - sadly the organs were missing, so i was stuck just picking at the flesh. i was going to town! *woof* that girl looked over a few times - heard her tell me to leave it once or twice, but i was obstinate enough to win! i ran off for a bit to greet another dog who'd just arrived. that girl thought i was all done misbehaving, but as soon as the humans were talking again, i went back to the bunny!

that girl finally realized that i had gotten into something GOOD because after a few more ill-attempted "leave-its" she came over to check things out. meh - that didn't scare me, i kept right on tugging at the bunny skin - yummy! *slurp* that girl arrived at the scene and wasn't particularly happy - i was stupid enough to move away for a moment, and then you know what that girl did? brace yourself. she grabbed it!!! *grrrrr* she picked it up by the paw and carried it away. i started to chase after - pretending it was a game!! *wooooooof* but she made me lay down and then... THEN she put me in a "wait."

so i was so excited again! i was waiting for her to throw it for me and give me the "OK" to chase after it. she HAS been feeling pretty bad for me since i've been incapable of capturing the fuzzy tailed squirrels (it's because of the clangy metal things around my neck - HONEST!). but then.... THEN she did the unspeakable *arf!* she launched the rest of that bunny over the fence! i sat there in disbelief *puppy eyes* can you believe she wasted that bunny? *puppy whine*

oh well - at least i got to run around for another 15 minutes and pee on everything... had to show those boy dogs who owns the park! then we walked home, and she gave me the puppiest rawhide! *woof - wag wag wag*

2 weeks in...

2009-10-14T11:45:00.005-04:00

i'm about 2 weeks into my new role in my new group! the combustion guys are great - my brain is happily feeding off of this new world and all of the intricacies of it! i'm definitely a person who appreciates and thrives off of change!!

allow me to share with you a brief list of benefits associated with my new role compared to my previous assignment:

- my round trip commute is now just under 30 miles per day compared to 70!

- i can wear jewelry again! (no longer playing with high voltage)

- i can take a few minutes to write a blog at lunch (and not feel guilty!!!!)!

- i actually get to sit down and take a lunch instead of fervently inhaling a sandwich while running from lab to garage in the afternoon ...

- instead of being told to slow down, do less, and that i'm too green to achieve something, i am empowered to take on additional objectives and to run as fast as i'd like, and encouraged to succeed regardless of gaps in my knowledge! YAY!!!

- i have a white board at my desk!

- i get to sleep-in a bit later and get home quite a bit earlier (for now anyway - likely to change when i start running tests).

- i feel comfortable being a nerd and am not chastised for being me!!! :-)

- my phone barely rings (for now)!!!

overall i'm feeling useful, less stressed, and more accomplished! my team is happy to have me aboard and is hoping to get me involved in pretty much everything!! (clearly this will end up being a problem, but for now i can learn and help and work to put on the brakes once i find my place). i do miss my team of peers back in milford and miss witnessing the progression of the volt, but those things aside i am happy!!!! SOOOO very happy :)

in the eyes of a stranger

2009-10-12T17:46:00.002-04:00

while sitting at the bean doing work, an older gentleman approached my table and started to say something - i removed my ear buds and pardoned myself for not hearing him the first time. he handed me a small sheet of paper and said that he'd made some observations about me while sitting across from me. interesting and odd, right? the only truly odd thing about him was that he was quite comfortable approaching strangers - nothing about him seemed scary or anything.

this is the same man who had asked me a question or two about my computer; questions which i answered kindly but simply. he also witnessed 2 exchanges between myself and the woman sitting at the table next to me - one discussing how cold it was in the bean, and the other about a mystery cloud above moscow.

allow me to divulge the characteristics that reside upon this stranger's list:
-organized
-precise
-optimistic
-outgoing
-health-conscious
-genuine
-attractive
-patient
-studious
-loves living
-of scandinavian descent

it's a great list! i'll take it :)

i'm intrigued that this man invests the time to observes so much about a stranger. i don't think it's weird, actually... i simply find that i feel as though i am invading one's privacy if i pay attention to their conversation, or their facial expressions, or their clothing. though i suppose that may be a projection of the way i feel when being watched - i don't like being a specimen simply because it's disarming.

the art of writing a thesis

2009-10-11T18:08:00.002-04:00

i must open by noting that i am a pragmatic, decisive, and uber productive individual. when something needs to be done, i assess the objective, determine how to best/most effectively & efficiently achieve it, make a quick plan and execute (quickly). while these qualities served me well during graduate school (school and jobs in general), none of this is applicable to thesis writing...

actually, it's applicable a little... one can employ such skills to outline one's thesis, or to write a basic literature review, or to bang out the experimental section (chapter 3 in my case). but as for the scholarly task of telling a story scientifically, eloquently, and soundly, all bets are off.

it all comes down to the way one defines productivity. for me, it's generally task based - conduct a test... walk the dog... read a paper... etc. but in my given state of thesis writing, where i have a thesis draft comprising a basic story about my findings and what they mean, the remaining work is "soft." it requires a melding of a zillion little theories and relationships; innovative ways of perceiving one's data and comparing it with literature; challenging associative barriers - reconsidering many "things" that one believes they "know" or had "learned," revisiting chapters and papers that i've read multiple times... mostly, it's just time consuming!

there is so much thinking and reading and thinking and writing and reworking and thinking... i have no qualms with this conceptually (in fact, i LOVE to think - it's my absolute FAVORITE thing to do - funny, i never explicitly acknowledged that before, but it's certainly true!!!), but when trying to "finish" one's thesis in order to defend by a given date, it becomes a bit unsettling! this type of productivity is difficult to measure - there aren't simple metrics or milestones. so even though i "know" i'm progressing, i can't show anything for it, so i spend a lot of time arguing with my usual productive self trying to convince said self that i really am working!!!! it's a bunch of inner turmoil and drama that is really uncalled for, but that i cannot seem to evade!

the art of writing a thesis... er - the art of producing a scholarly thesis that will provide a certain contribution to one's field is really all about throwing all conventional functionality and productivity out the window, and just allowing one's brain to churn info and plug away naturally! normal protocols for "productivity" are truly impeding to the development of one's understanding of "new" thoughts and relationships. immersion time is critical, the alignment of information is imperative and is not easy to force, and the ratio of questions to answers is nearly infinite.

the fact that i have allowed myself, FINALLY, to accept this has allowed me to relax and frankly become more constructive, creative, open minded and happy! so it's all good! i can't tell you exactly where i am at with my thesis or how much longer it will take me before i can defend, but i can tell you that i am getting there, and that 95% of the processors in my brain are executing thesis-related "stuff." YAY!!! so with that, i'm off to ponder compressibility!

the great chase!

2009-10-10T11:40:00.005-04:00

took paris to the park today ... she's a big fan of sticks, tennis balls (when launched from the long plastic thrower), and her over-sized canine tennis ball. but i think her most favorite activity at the park is to chase squirrels! in fact, when the squirrels are out and about, it's difficult for her to concentrate on anything else!

the squirrels were CRAZY today! there were more than i'd ever seen, and they were persistent. often times paris makes her rounds, chases them all up the trees, and then we play ball or stick or something. but today they would climb back down and do their thing (which i presume is gathering food for the winter). so paris had an especially squirrel-chasing-filled day!

she's quite the squirrel chaser, but she's never caught one. in fact, i felt so badly for her today that i decided to remove her collar from which her license tags dangle and give her away. i thought that a more stealthy paris might have a better chance of ALMOST catching one! so she chased away... she ran around like a NUT! it was hilarious. she was panting so much that her mouth was all foamy! at that point i figured i'd better get her back to the house for a drink.... as we were exiting the tree-infested section of the park, heading for home, she saw a few more and so i let her chase them before leashing her up.

she was hot on the trail of one of them and even chased it across the street into someone's yard! i called her back, and the squirrel was heading back to the park as well (thankfully, otherwise i'm sure she would not have come - i think we need to revisit "recall" training)... she ACTUALLY started to catch it! she had nipped it a few times! the last time i couldn't tell whether she tossed it up into the air or whether the squirrel leaped out of her grip! i was really proud of her but also felt badly for the poor squirrel! it finally found its way up a tree and paris pranced over to me feeling quite proud of herself! i can't even comprehend where she mustered the energy to chase that thing as fiercely as she did - but the last round was certainly her greatest chase!

paris is now sleeping at the top of the stairs, and i'm going to hit the shower and head to the bean to work on my thesis!!!

halloween spidey

2009-10-07T21:11:00.004-04:00

stumbled across my ego this evening - disgustingly ugly little thing. i threatened to vomit it up and flush it away, but that ego is a clever little shithead - reminded me that it's all in my head, not in my gut. smart ass. i'm revisiting the option of having a lobotomy.

in other news... last weekend i noticed a large spider (large spider = scary in the world of all things mel) in its web strung from the eve of the roof to the side of a pillar on my front porch about a week ago. when i enlightened corrigan about the matter, he, in his adorable state of manliness decided to chop it's web down - i interrupted and expressed that though scary i was ok with it living there. i kind of liked having a spider on the porch, particularly so close to halloween! so corrigan relented, leaving the web half intact, and the poor spider dangling on a long string of it's organic spider silk. when we returned a few hours later we found that spider had already reconstructed its happy home - impressive! those spiders are productive - gotta respect that!

a few days later, said spider was missing! i looked around to find that it moved its intricate food trap in between the two pillars at the front of the porch. no problem really as far as i was concerned, just so long as it stayed away from the door... i recall thinking that scary spider, who's life i spared and whom i was happy to harbor on my porch would probably take up residence in the door frame and i would likely discover spidey's new fly catcher by walking into it on my way out for a dog walk, and subsequently die of a heart attack as the spider sucked all of the blood from my face.

i did not see senor spider today and i wondered if perhaps it made its way into the house (would be the smart thing to do given the climate, though i won't extend such an invitation). when i arrived home from the bean (where some thesis progress was realized) this evening, i felt a little web on my hand as i entered the house. EWE!!! totally had the willies! i got paris geared up for a walk, and when i opened the door to exit, i noticed a long web strung from the top corner to the adjacent lower side! that damn spider is trying to kill me! after all i did for it!!! UGH! now i'm going to ask kevin if he'll capture the little bastard and transplant it to the back yard. i don't want to slaughter it, i just don't want to die of arachnophobia!

the most awesome tumbleweed

2009-10-04T20:00:00.003-04:00

my friends/colleagues in the hybrid group gifted me with a tumbleweed as my going-away gift! they presented it to me at the lunch we had on wednesday (9/30). my friend, rob, was kind enough to arrange the whole thing :) it was a lovely send off and i already miss my old crew even though it's been only a few days.

i have positioned my most adorable tumbleweed in it's new home - atop the armoire in the guest room! it looks excellent there, and it's quite happy i'm sure! :) i suppose i should name my tumbleweed... i believe that i attempted to do so at the lunch outing, but i can't recall what i may have come up with at the time. hmm... oh, that's right! i named it weedie :) one of my guys' last name is wede (godwin), and i had decided to name it after him as a play on words :) so weedie it is!!!

here is a pic of my tumbleweed, weedie - i do intend to allow it to blow around in the backyard at some point, but only once it's dry and i can supervise the activity! i'll post pics at that time :)

the epitome of my frustration...

2009-10-03T10:39:00.002-04:00

... often comes from ineptitude. granted, as with all things, ineptitude is relative, but i run into this quite a bit. i tend to be so pragmatic and oriented toward productivity that it's often insanely maddening!! i want to note that i think a distinction can be made between ignorance and ineptitude - ignorance is lack of knowing - that's not a big deal (assuming that one is willing to learn/grow). ineptitude is true incompetence, whether by choice or by mental/physical limitation. and ineptitude is only a fair adjective of one relative to expectations of said one. the short summary here is that some people should not be in the roles that they are in (in business, in government, in life, whatever). it's when the wrong person(ality) is in the wrong place that ineptitude becomes a relevant issue. there is nothing wrong with me being inept at gymnastics, as i am not a gymnast, and i have no team who needs me to perform as a gymnast proficiently.

this frustration is something that i ran into working on the volt; the thing that drove me INSANE!!! this wasn't true of my peers... i'll just leave it at that. though, i will, out of kindness, make one effort at rationalizing the problem: that the "inept" may have been blinded by the political mess and insane ego's that seemed to propagate and persist in the volt world.

back in early september i referenced (in my journal) two quotes from atlas shrugged that i think are quite suitable here - the first is the source of my frustration (page 52 - of dagny taggart):
"the adversary she found herself forced to fight was not worth matching or beating; it was not a superior ability which she would have found honor in challenging; it was ineptitude - a gray spread of cotton that seemed soft and shapeless, that could offer no resistance to anything or anybody, yet managed to be a barrier in her way. she stood, disarmed, before the riddle of what made this possible. she could find no answer."

PRECISELY WHAT MADE ME SO FRUSTRATED ALL OF THE TIME!!!!

the second is one that i ponder - on one hand i think i should learn from it, on the other i think that this acceptance is a lot like enabling and hence fostering the very thing that halts progress and merit from prevailing (pg 40, of hank rearden):
"he was foolish to resent their ineptitude; it came from their helplessness, not from malice."

regarding the second quote - on one hand i think i can subscribe to the notion in general (i can acknowledge that it may be true, i'm just not sure how i wish to react to it), but on the other i wonder if ineptitude may be the very thing that generates malice. as with everything else i often ponder, i just don't know!

jack white is so right, according to the world of all things mel :)

2009-10-02T11:56:00.003-04:00

during the filming of it might get loud, guggenheim apparently challenged jack white to produce a song on the fly given that he (jack) believes in writing songs fast so that they are not overproduced. the story of jack's on-the-fly production of fly farm blues is pretty cool :)

i share the same sentiment as jack, in general, and specifically when it comes to writing. i know that "editing" is the key to a good piece of literature, and from a grammatical perspective that might very well be true. my basic flaw in technical writing is that i hate to edit. i write what i write and it's usually "good" - but i hate taking the time to make it great. i presume that this block comes from writing in my journal, and blogging - i'm with mr. white that the realness of one's production is correlated to how raw it is. a piece of writing (whether it be a song or a story or whatever) isn't a true representation of one's emotions if it's edited to death.

and from a poetic/creative perspective the more tortured one's spirit is, the more creative and interesting the resulting art. i write the best shit when i'm mad, sad, conflicted, etc. i suppose i can write funny things when i'm happy, but there is nothing particularly profound about funny witty writing. profundity precipitates from a deranged soul... such a soul is the breeding ground of awesome music, books, movies, art, etc. i often think of edgar allen poe - he was completely demented and his stories are unique and entertaining and comprised some pretty deep shit. given that his mother and first love both died of tuberculosis and that he was basically an addict, he had a lot of fuel for creativity!

the recommendation of this blog (to keep your expressions raw and real) is basically the antithesis of how i need to spend the next few weeks as i'll be finishing my thesis. it already exists, i just have to make it "better" and finish the formatting. UGH!!! the only thing that appeases me about the annoying task of editing is that my intuitive theory about what the results of my thesis would ultimately be has remained true - i'm just telling the story differently than i had anticipated... but the basic content and conclusion are raw even if the document is not, so that makes me happy :)

bittersweet victory

2009-09-29T21:49:00.003-04:00

tomorrow will be my last day out in milford, working on the volt. i'll be moving on to pontiac to the engine new products group to develop requirements for upcoming diesel engines!!

the bitter is pretty easy to surmise, i suppose. i'll miss my awesome team!!! i have been a part of a truly AWESOME team of peers... it's very difficult to leave - i've been on the verge of tears for the past several working days as i've conversed with my colleagues about the move! i hope that i have done for them at least a fraction of what i have gained from working with them.

i'll also miss working with the vehicles - it's very exciting to be on the vehicle side of a vehicle manufacturer - that's certainly where a lot of the fun is! naturally, it's been quite an adventure to be a part of the volt and pushing the boundaries of the current state of technology, not to mention having been thrown into productive development in hybrid land and learning the ropes on the fly - i'm not even cognizant of all of my learnings and i'm certain that they are immeasurable!

the sweet side is two-fold. part 1 is that my brain really needs this move. while i have enjoyed being a battery integration engineer, it has not been particularly stimulating from an intellectual perspective. my brain is used to more challenge and more food, and i need that again. moving into the diesel group will be an applied version of my expertise in engine testing/research.

part 2 is more emotional. a part of my existence in the hybrid world has been very painful - i have been insanely frustrated by the politics that surround the volt, and also the politics of remnants of a culture that is being fumigated. in a nutshell, i am too pragmatic and too impatient to deal with that bullshit. i want to make a disclaimer that i am not too impatient to work with people - in fact i have worked with more than 100 people on the volt, and the only thing that has made it possible for me to do so effectively is that i am willing to work differently with each individual - i respect people and try to get them what they need so that we can gain mutual respect and work as a team (and though i'm not perfect at it and can always improve, i do it rather well). my PROBLEM is with political madness that has no logical basis whatsoever.

i was raised in the research world, and though many people perceive R&D as a place for a bunch of noise and no horsepower, i am used to being productive and employing logic on a daily basis in order to execute. these things (logic and productivity) seem to hold no value in some cases... it's like giving a bag of sand to a cashier. and while i COULD learn to play political games, i simply will not. i will not exert large quantities of my energy in order to appease some one's ego on a regular basis in order to move the peg incrementally to where it needs to go. i am direct. i am pragmatic. i am productive. i just want to do my job. i want to be trusted and respected and empowered to do my job, period. from my perspective, i wasn't always able to get this in my current position, and i wasn't willing to accept it. i tried to change this (i tried A LOT), and it became clear that i could not improve the situation.

so on to the victory ... for once in my life, when in the midst of a situation i could not change yet could not accept, i stood up and changed where i was and did so without feeling apologetic or that i had done something wrong (even though i didn't "like" the reality). this motion on my part is the first piece of evidence to support that i am truly learning to value ME more than other's opinions of me, or other's expectations. and you know what? it's really nice! it's peaceful (recall my blog on internal peace??)! none of that is to say that it wasn't tumultuous to make the decision or to physically execute it, but i never second-guessed it once it was made, and i know that it's right for me. i listened to my gut. i followed my intuition about what's good for me.

sleepy time tea

2009-09-28T21:07:00.004-04:00

i LOVE sleepy time tea! i love sleepy time tea so much, in fact, that instead of analyzing data while drinking the glorious tea i have instead chosen to blog while drinking it - hence procrastinating a bit regarding the data analysis but really, i'll get it done before 8am tomorrow!

the top 5 excellent things about sleepy time tea:
1. it has a cute name - say it aloud - "sleepy time tea" - too cute!
2. it's comforting!
3. it tastes sleepy!
4. it makes me feel sleepy!!
5. it tastes best drunk from the mug that kevin painted for me :)

the sleepiest sleepy time tea haiku, just for you...
evenings are best
a cup of sleepy time tea
in hand before bed

hark, sleepy time tea
spilled on the bed and oneself
makes sleep feel squishy

(yeah yeah, haiku should be about nature and all that, but i'm a rebel, and i'll use the haiku format anyway i care to!! plus, one can argue that everything is a component of nature given the fact that evolution is natural, hence all man made innovations are essentially nature) :-)

random ramblings 4...

2009-09-27T19:43:00.005-04:00

i have been worthless today - just felt like a lump of garbage LOL! i cleaned the house a bit, did laundry, bathed the dog, cooked, ate birthday cake just for fun... i'm feeling sort of icky. i wanted to stay in bed all day and read, how did things get so off track?!?!

kev and i went to waterford yesterday for the last open race day of the season. i didn't race or anything, but we did a few parade laps in kev's camaro, and mingled with some of my gm pals (who were, in fact, racing)! as of yesterday i plan to attend race school next year - why not?!?! should be fun! here is a pic of blanchard showing haliburton the lines...

i saw "it might get loud" last night at the main art theater in royal oak. it was a truly great film! the only thing that could be better than listening to and watching three awesome guitarists jam together on the big screen would be seeing/hearing it live! if you love guitars and zeppelin (not to mention jack white and U2) then you must see this flick!

at the moment i am listening to the pumpkins and contemplating what i should do with my hair... i can't seem to find time for a hair appointment, but the given state of my "do" is simply atrocious. hmmm... well - i suppose i should head upstairs and cut my bangs as a start - if i'm smart i'll stop there and find time tomorrow to call the salon :)